everywhere i go

22

i think i am unwell for you, a body too sturdy to break and too fragile to bear. 

god, everytime i lie down i imagine a situation in which i ask you to touch me. it feels so close and so real, that if i held your hand and looked you in the eye and told you how lonely i felt when the snow began to fall, you would take me in your arms and let me breathe into your neck until the cold came out of me.

i don't want to go anywhere. jesus christ, i'm tired of being in public with you. i want to spend the night in my room with you, where i can take your hands and put them over my mouth and speak to you about what i want and what i need, and how bad i am about speaking to you.

soon, soon. sometime before christmas eve, you will be near me and i will give you your gift like it's something you dropped, and if you ask me, i'll tell you about this ache i have to press my hips into you.