my poisonous yearning

you first

I remember my heart jumped that night. The first time I ever saw your name on my screen. I was confused to why you messaged me yet honoured that you chose me out of all people to talk to.

I open social media and opened your message. It was a simple "hey" but little did we know that's all it took to start. I had no expectations. No worries. No wishes. No intentions. Yet a sting of fear hit my heart.

I answered, you answered back. Back and forth.

I remember we talked about love that night. How you gave up and how I still had hope.

I felt a good energy about you, we always had something to talk about. Dreams, goals, family, travelling, sport and food. And when we called we always debated over the best maccas ice cream Kit Kat ice cream vs Cookies and cream.

We called all night but we barely noticed the sun catching up to us. But I still remember your voice. Deep but soft.

Your laugh still echoing in my ear. Making my heart light up. I always loved your voice and your laugh.

You fell asleep, and I watched admiring you. But then I a slap a realisation hit me like a punch to the chest. WHAT AM I DOING?