my poisonous yearning

saturday, the best day of my life

I remember the rest of the day we held hands, cuddled, played footsies and walked around together.

The replaying memory I have of us is when me you, my cousin and her friend were with us. We went to the library and saw an old friend of my cousins. I remember us being so all over each other like puppies, you always stuck by my side. You held onto my waist with your soft grip.

I remember you sitting on top of the concrete ledge, you pulled me closer and I laid my head on your chest, hearing the beats of your heart. "Ba bump... ba bump... ba bump, and I looked up at you realising you were staring at me.

I remember looking deep into your eyes, falling into them like a magnetic. Then watching your curls fall across them which was the only way that could stop me from getting lost in them.

I also remember my cousins friend. He was with his girlfriend and he was a bit aggressive towards you. You didn't want to start a fight.

I remember you asking "can we go for a walk together" and of course I agreed as I knew you needed to get away and calm down.

You extended your hand to mine and again i intertwined my hand in yours feeling the same comforting warmth tingle through my whole body. We then shard your ear phones listening to 'Comfortable' by H.E.R while walking hand in hand back to the shops.

I remember you holding my hand a little tighter in that moment. You were vulnerable. In that moment I knew you needed me, and the need to calm down.

That was the moment I fell for you.

I also remember you seeing the goosebumps forming on my arm, I was too stubborn to listen my nan before leaving "where a hoodie you'll be cold". You looked me up and down and with no word you take of your jacket "put your arms through" you said.

The was the first time any guy had offered me their jacket.

After me you and my cousin all walked to the train station as my nan was gonna pick us up from there, and you were catching the train home.

I remember me and you sitting together on that cold metal bench, the same one you were sitting on when me and my nan came to pick you up. I remember lying on your shoulder with your around my back. You pulled me closer, with me under your chin.

Next thing, my nan came in the roundabout and parked beeping for me and my cousin to get in the car.

We stood up and hugged goodbye, I remember looking into your eyes for a second too long. There I was getting lost again. "Goodbye bub" you said.

My nan and cousin were waiting for me.

I hoped in the backseat of the car next to my cousin. And as we drove off I saw you sitting alone on that metal bench. You didn't look back at me.

I now realise that was the best thing you could've done in that moment.