my poisonous yearning

tuesday 18/08/20 9:43pm

You left me on read all day. I was so confused.

I had a gut feeling something wasn't right.

So I went searching and

I found her.

My heart was beating 1000 kilometres a minute.
My whole body was shaking.

As I stared at her profile.

Was it a coincidence your initials were in her bio?
Was it a coincidence that you guys followed each other?
Was it a coincidence that you guys called the same time you were leaving me on seen?
Was it a coincidence she used our song on her story?

I messaged her.

She told me that you were her boyfriend and she knew about me.

She said "he's not trying to give up on our relationship"

But you gave up on me?

I was faithful to you
I was loyal to you
I was honest with you
I was open with you
I was comfortable with you

I still don't understand how you could do that to me. When you were the one who started everything.

I asked you if you want to continue talking with me and you said yes. Yet you were talking to this girl behind my back. When I told you to be honest. I gave you a chance.

The worst part is I can't help but love you, even though I try not to. I can't help but know if you came back that I would give you unlimited chances. Because no matter how many times you hurt me, no matter how many times you shatter me into pieces and cheat on me and leave me on seen and no matter how many times you push me away.

I will always stay right here.

Because you're perfect to me.

The way your curls fall across your face
The way your lip lifts up when you smile
The way you look at me so intensely
The warmth of your body against mine
The way you laid your head on my chest
The way you spoke to me so softly
The way gripped my waist
The way you reached out to hold my hand
The way you laughed
The way you twiddled your thumb across the top of my hand.

everything

I remember feeling a sharp pain in my heart that I gripped my chest in agony.

heart break

"this is what it feels like" I said

i cried myself to sleep that night
all I could dream about it you
coming back to me.

To this day I still hope one day you will.