Handwritten | Poetry & Prose

seven | 1

Him

I could hear the part of me within, that scratches the walls against my body, pleading free. My mind a turned into havoc, an aftermath of a storm since the day this wall was built in between. It's not easy to let go of someone easily. I talk to myself, thinking that you're hearing my thoughts out. I smile, thinking you'd somehow see me. I read your letters, every time thinking that it's you saying it to me. There's so much I do to fill in this void within. 

Within these empty walls, your words still make through. How I've built so much faith in you, in your return for me, when everything is brought alight, and everything would be easy. I've built a home for you inside, and its barren and cold and stale and heavy.

Heavy with the weight of what these things remind me. Reminds me of everyone's expectations I have built and I have to keep it holding. Withstand that weight of pain that I feel. The weight of burden, the weight of everything towering over me. 

I remain strong, thinking of you. And that faith makes me look ahead with a smile.

You're so special. So rare... I've become a beggar in front of God, it's like I am homeless, pleading for the ease and mercy. Pleading for the very thing I want, to return back to me. The only thing I posses is behind a shield of glass, that would shatter, hurting you and I. So I remain a distance, stand afar, admiring you, loving you. 

I admire you as I laugh, I smile. I cry. My soul is connected to yours in a way I can't control it no longer. I need healing. Candle lights fading, there's so much cold. The breeze makes everything within me frail and fragile. But the thought of your warm eyes, alike like mine, as we both see the world the same, whispers "everything will be okay..."

This isn't an exaggeration. You have no idea how much do you worth, you worth more than how much the world would value you. You have no clue, how you look when your eyes smile as you smile, and how much I desire to pull you close when you do. You have no idea how peaceful I become from within, even in our normal convos we used to have, when I sigh it were as if I finally breathed. You have no clue, how everything becomes so radiant, and vibrant, as if it were magic done, when you and I were together in those days. You have no idea how much I love you.

I feel safe in your arms. I close my eyes thinking about the tranquility we'd share, fantasize as we would live afar from the world, in our own place, create our own world. 

Because now, I've found home within you. And you reside, forever, within me.