Somewhere new (5sos)

I'm a mom, so what?

dedicated to one person

I woke up to Alex crying, I rushed to his room and saw the guys standing there with Ashley and Martin in their arms all of them pulling at their hair not knowing what to do. Calum began rocking the crib, Mikey tried singing. Nothing.

"May I?" I asked as I walked over and picked him up and began rocking him back and forth while patting his back gently and humming the song his mom and my mom would sing to us. "Martin babe go make a bottle." I smiled at him tiredly he nodded and hopped off of Ash's lap and walked over to the crib grabbing his bottle going down stairs and getting warm water he came back and put the powder into the bottle and asked mikey to twist it closed. He handed it to me and I rested Alex's head in my shoulder and held him there with my right hand. I put my index finger on the hole on the nozzle thingy then and shook it away from me and then Martin came over and squirted some on my arm to check the temperature. It was ok so I cradled Alex in one hand and fed him. After like ten minutes He fell asleep and I set him down in his crib. I plugged in his light, and ushered everyone out of the room and towards their rooms.

"Night cal." I said as I left him at his room Ashley in my arms, Martin on my back.

"Night future number one mom." He said.

"Technically I am one already." I laughed. Everyone burst out of their rooms and I gave them a sad smile. "Kids go to bed," I sighed.

"But I'm too tired to walk!" Martin whined.

"Are you too tired for la chancla." I warned they took off running for their rooms and I smiled and listened as the jumped into their beds. "I guess I was going to have to explain how we all got in there anyways, but it's late so, tomorrow."I said and turned to leave but didn't make it out in time. Instead mikey, and Ash grabbed my arms and lifted me up by them dragging my downstairs and pushed me towards the couch then they stood in front of me crossing their arms and giving me the 'start-talking-or-Imma-whoop-your-ass' look.

"Well a few months after I got put into the orphanage, a homeworker came and told me that, my aunt Laura and uncle Martin had.....died. And under the given circumstances, I was the new guardian of the kids, they said it was supposed to be mom and dad, but since their.....gone.... I was second choice. The lady said if I wanted I could give my parents custody of my kids." I said standing up and telling them.

I won't show any weakness it's never worked like that, and it never will. 

"I'm sorry savina we had no idea." Luke said hugging me.

"And don't worry we'll take custody of the kids." Mikey added. I pulled away and glared at them.

" I love you guys but I'm not letting my children go" I said dead serious.

"Your fourteen." Luke said.

"Like I give a shit, Luke." I snapped.

"We can take better care of them." Calum said.

"Do you think I'm an idiot, you couldn't even figure out why he was crying." I said laughing dryly.

"Savina we can be better parents." Ash said.

"Dont fucking tell me you can be better parents when I went to court, I argued with Mrs.hooks, took a hell of a lot of bull shit from people, and over all, love these kids too much to let them go. I thought you guys would understand, they are MY kids I choose what happens. I love them as if I gave birth to them. YOU have no RIGHT nor WORD or CHOICE in any of this. You adopted ME not THEM. You can take me back for all I care. I bent over breaking for my kids. I will NEVER stop fighting. I would give my life for them. If you want them you'll have to pry them from my COLD DEAD HANDS. And you know me. I could feel like dying like the lowest piece of scum to walk this earth. But I do not ever give up. I never give up on what I believe in, I fight for what I love. And you know something, I love THEM. And I will never stop believing that they were given to me for a reason. I would have committed suicide if it wasn't for them. They are my angles. And I will do anything for them." I said my voice only rising when I wanted it too. I saw the fear in their eyes. They have never seen me like this, unless it was to some one else, I guess they don't like being under my evil glare.

"Why?" Luke asked.

"Why what?" I replied my voice cold and hard.

"suicide? why?" Calum asked looking like he was goinng to cry.

"MY FAMILY FUCKING DIED, EVERYONE MADE ME FEEL WORTHLESS AND I WAS CONSTANTLY BEING REMINDED ON HOW I'M A FUCK UP. HOW I DONT DESERVE TO LIVE AND HOW ALMOST NO ONE WOULD CARE IF I DIED. THE FAMILY I HAD ALIVE  EITHER DIDNT BOTHER TO HELP ME OR DIDNT HAVE THE MONEY. I WAS TOLD EVERYDAY THAT MY PARENTS DEATH WAS MY FAULT AND THAT NOBODY LOVES ME AND THAT EVERYBODY WOULD BE HAPPIER IF I DIED!" I yelled at them tears running down my face. "they showed up seconds before I swallowed those pills. I'm not letting them go." I said wiping away my tears. "because you know what? They are my family, they make me feel special, they think I'm perfect, to them, I'm their life, they would care if I died, they say its not my fault and think i never do anything wrong, they love me soo much, they would care if I died, when I didnt even want to smile, they made me laugh, I don't wake up scared anymore, I wake up wondering what great things they will do, if Alex will say his first word, if martin will discover a new talent, if ashley will want to be a princess or a fairy, if its Ashley's turn to play racecars with Martin or if its Martin's turn to be price charming for ashley.  or how long till, their birthdays and how we're going to celebrate it. I look forwards to everyday now, I'm not depressed. I'm keeping my angles." I said and left. I walked into Martin's room and he was sitting there tears running down his face. I ran over and gave him a hug. "what wrong babe?" I asked worried.

" I love you mom, your perfect, I'm sorry for me and Ashley fighting, and I'll start cleanig my room and-' i cut him off.

"No Martin, I love that after each fight you and Ashley make up and go play, and just start by making your bed, I love soooo much and everything that you thing is wrong with you and is annoying, I find cute, charming, adorable and what makes YOU perfect." I smiled at him wiping away tears and hugging him. "Wait did you call me mom?" I asked smiling. he nodded into my shirt and held on tighter, I kissed his head and held him closer. "its late we need sleep." i said pulling away.

"I want to sleep with you tonight." he said.

"okay go to my room, i have to check on ash and alex ok?" I told him he nodded and kissed my cheek running off while I got up and closed the door behind me I walked into Ashley's room she's fast asleep, I kissed her forehead and closed the door behind me. I went to Alex's room and he was asleep. I closed the door and went to my room I closed the door and crawled into bed and fell asleep cuddling my oldest child.

Morning.....

I got a text I reached over and saw a text from Luke.

'I'm sorry, we all are. We had no idea but why would you care you went through hell and back but you only care about what you love and we love you, we care about you. We needed to let you know we were going to the studio.
X Luke ' was what it read.

'I give a Fuck, I give lots of ducks actually. I'm like a prostitute of feelings and have fun.
X savina