hold them closer [jaskier x reader]

Chapter 8

 Your fingertips brushed the ground beneath you, letting your nails crust with the dirt that was dried under your feet. You always remembered this spot as being full of grass, sometimes so tall it reached your ankles — but now, the grass was dead. Dull. It was fitting, really, for the village that was now abandoned.

Still, being here in the lawn of your old home reminded you of the nights you and your father would lie down, grass under your toes, just looking at the sky above. It was so peaceful, but a bit daunting — you were always amazed by the vastness of the sky, by the possibilities that its space came with. Still, those would be the moments with your father that you carried with you, both with fondness and sadness. They haunted you in your dreams, but comforted you in your memories.

The faint memories of your father rose to your mind — in this early morning silence, you finally allowed yourself to think about the man you were told to hate. You never did truly hate him, despite what Rauf told you. Maybe part of you knew he was innocent all along — or maybe you just wanted him to be. But now that you knew your father had in fact been innocent, you felt yourself thinking about him more, as if a restriction had been lifted from your mind. And as you sat there in the lawn of your now broken down home, you closed your eyes, silently apologizing to the man you tried to hate for so many years.

You blinked your eyes open at the sound of Jaskier walking toward you, finally awake from a long night. You had woken up earlier than usual, mostly because you couldn't sleep. Your mind was racing even after you realized your mother had gotten away. What did that mean for now? Could you really start hoping that you'd find her? Or would it lead to more dead ends?

Jaskier sat beside you on the dirt coated ground, grimacing at the fact that his pants would probably have stains.

You put your head on his shoulder, letting your heavy eyes shut, just for a moment. Though you didn't mind being alone, having him there made you feel comfortable. Recently, it always did. Before you met him, it was like you were missing something. No matter where you went, or who you were with, everything was bit off. And now that he was there, with you — you didn't know what it was, but it was enough. Maybe even more than enough.

"What now?" You asked after a moment, not only to Jaskier, but to yourself.

"I don't know, love." He huffed, looking at the rising sun past the trees. "The only thing we can do is search anywhere we can, and hope to come across her."

You nodded, determination in your gaze. "Then that's what we'll do."

—

Saying goodbye to your village was easy. It wasn't really even your village anymore — just another abandoned place stragglers could call home for the night. Your village was in your memories, and your home was with yourself. It was with the people you trusted, and that's where it would always be.

Still, that was something you had to remind yourself of as the three of you ventured from village to village, both searching for your mother and for any jobs you could get (you were still pretty low on coin, and none of you wanted any incidents like the last). You weren't fond of staying in one place for too long — though you were ready to prolong this journey if you had to, that didn't mean you wanted to. Searching Velen was hard enough as it was, and you weren't even sure if your mother would be there. The idea that she could be across the continent made your stomach practically seep through your ears, so you pushed it away.

She had to be in Velen. She just had to.

You were lucky to have Jaskier and Geralt with you. While sometimes you would swear on never traveling with them again, others you couldn't imagine it without them. Geralt was sometimes as grumpy as you, but others he was the one holding the most hope. And Jaskier...well, he was Jaskier. Charming, funny, and a bit of a pain in the ass.