Utterly Forgettable | MM Romance | Complete

Thirty-Eight: You've Become A Pirate 2/2

There was chocolate birthday cake and a fire hazard in the form of 45 tiny candles. For no reason at all, Josh found himself sharing a slice with Emery again, feeding him every other bite. He'd long given up on trying to find any semblance of sanity in his interactions with Emery, opting to do whatever felt right. This felt right.

He could live like this for the rest of his life, Josh realized, and it'd still be better than anything that had come before, provided Emery didn't go out for cups of coffee with men who weren't worth his time. Provided Emery only ever looked that way at Josh. Would it be so wrong?

They finished their slice of cake and stood near one another, no words passing between them until a strong hand landed on Josh's shoulder, breaking the moment. "Emery. Mind if I steal my best man?"

Emery's smile was warm. "By all means, he's all yours."

Josh allowed himself to be led into Mark's bedroom after his best friend gave up on the kitchen, only marginally less crowded than the living room. "You're taking me into your bedroom? With your fiancée in the living room? What will people say," he snickered.

"It's cool," Mark quipped back, "everyone knows I'm harvesting your organs to pay for the wedding. Less messy than the bank heist, and more profitable too. That hair alone has to be worth a fortune in extensions."

"Hey," he protested, "Leave the hair alone! Murdering me for my organs is reasonable, but no chopping off my hair or I'll come back and haunt you."

"Fine, fine, I'll make sure you leave behind a handsome corpse." Mark heaved a dramatic, long-suffering sigh.

"Was there anything else you wanted from me, other than my life force?"

Nothing in his demeanor made Josh suspect that, once he'd closed the bedroom door behind them, Mark's eyes would lose their mirth. He sat down on the bed and gestured for Josh to follow suit. "Do you remember Hook?"

"Hook? Robin Williams, Dustin Hoffman, Hook?"

Mark nodded. "That's the one."

"Yeah, sure." Josh had watched it in his teens, and then again with Mark and the rest of the gang a couple of years before, so it was relatively fresh on his mind. Mark didn't look like he was about to tell him he wanted Josh to organize a Neverland-inspired wedding for him, though, so where was this going?

"There's a scene in the beginning, when they get to Wendy's house and she's this old lady, and she asks Peter what he does for a living, do you remember?"

Josh remembered and said so, though it didn't help him make sense of the strange intensity in Mark's eyes.

"Then his kid goes and explains that he buys companies in need and blows them out of the water and she tells him 'So, Peter. You've become a pirate.' Remember that?"

"Yeah. What's this about?"

Mark studied Josh's face. "You. That's you. You've become a pirate."

"I'm sorry?"

"I was so worried about you that night, when you rushed off to go get Emery. So worried you'd destroy yourself in trying to save him. But it turns out you saved him just so you could be the one to destroy him. And the tragic thing is, just like Peter, you don't even notice."

"I'm sorry?" Josh repeated, feeling like he'd stepped into a parallel universe. Mark thought he was destroying Emery?

"You should be. You're many things, but you've never been a bad guy before. I look at Emery, and I see him doing well, and then you go near him all touchy-feely and he just lets you, even though it's clear it hurts him. Can you really not see how he looks every time you pull away afterwards?"

Josh opened his mouth to deny it. Yes, he touched Emery often, yes, he let the feelings he couldn't voice shine through in those moments, but he'd never hurt Emery.

Had he?

Whatever was on his face, it made Mark's attitude soften. "Look. You still love him?"

Josh swallowed, but it didn't make breathing any easier. His voice was a near whisper. "Yeah. I do."

"Are you still sure you can't forgive him?"

Running a hand through his hair and pulling was a better alternative than screaming in frustration, Josh was sure. "I tried. I want to, but... I just can't."

"You're completely sure?"

He nodded. "Yeah. As sure as I'll ever be."

Mark sighed again, looking disappointed but not surprised. "Then let him go, Josh. You're pulling him in, pushing him away, and he keeps letting you. You're doing to him exactly what I was afraid he'd do to you. Let him go. Don't become a pirate, Peter."

He didn't wait for an answer, clapping a hand on Josh's shoulder before walking out of the bedroom. It was a long time before Josh managed to sort out his thoughts enough to venture back into the party. Mark hadn't waited for an answer — he'd known there was no possible answer, no justification Josh could offer, to either his best friend or himself.

It was time to let Emery go. Josh only wished he'd have known it was coming, that he could have said his goodbyes to the casual touches that meant more to him than any relationship ever had. But, if he was hurting Emery the way Mark had said, then he couldn't stop tomorrow. Josh hadn't known but now he did, and he couldn't unknow it. Today was already long overdue.

Josh tried to avoid Emery for the rest of the night, offering smiles that were warm but emotionally distant enough not to invite confusion whenever they found themselves in the same circle, and didn't miss the pain in Emery's eyes.

He shouldn't have tried to steer him away from his cup of coffee that might or might not have amounted to more than that. Perhaps Tony the bedhead would willingly offer what Josh couldn't seem to give. Perhaps he'd be what Emery needed. Either way, Josh needed to stop being in the way, and hope they'd remain friends once they made it to the other side.

It was the very least of what Emery deserved.