Spurious [Sequel To Open Your Eyes] *editing*

[23] Therapeutic Therapy

Claire:

"Clairissa, you're aware that this is our last visit right?"

My eyes drift away from the early afternoon sunshine. It's only beginning to shine through the large window, revealing the faint traces of dust in the air.

Realizing that I haven't answered the question I nod from my spot on the black leather sofa. Why does it always have to be leather? In reality it's not all that comfortable to sit on, and it sometimes makes awkward squeaking noises when you move around. 

"Very well then, Clairissa. Since this is our last visit it's time for you to give me any overall thoughts on how you're feeling." Her tight bun moves around as she speaks. Every time I leave from here my head ends up hurting just from having to look at it the whole hour and a half.

Maria is a nice woman in her early fifties yet her brown hair shows hardly any signs of graying. And her light brown eyes always shine with a understanding as she listens to you speak. I'm incredibly lucky that she's one of Deaton's friends so I have been actually able to tell her everything, supernatural hoopla included.

"I got rid of the bows I had and any favors that people still owed me." I confess after a long pause. Knowing that she was hoping to hear if I had made any changes like I promised in the last visit.

"One of the most courageous decisions you'll ever make is to finally let go of what is hurting your heart and soul. It's one of my favorite quotes that I use often with my patients, but I've come to find that it's often much easier said then done." She speaks up with a tone of encouragement.

I take her words into consideration before responding. "Not that I wanted to keep all that mess around, but I don't know, I guess you're right and it's just hard sometimes to get rid of the things that hurt us the most."

Change. That's what she said I need in life. Moving out and changing my hair abit have been the simplest things I could think of doing. When I left last week I thought I'd jump at the opportunity to ditch all the bad things of my past, but no matter how bad they were, it still took alot out of me just to even look at anything regarding it.

"Have you become any more comfortable with talking about what's bothering you?" Her voice breaks the ten or so minute silence. Obliviously it's a rhetorical question seeing as how she needed to fill in some silence in the first place. 

"Although preferring to solve others problems then yours is and admirable trait to have. I'm afraid you more often then not do it as a distraction from your own struggles. Struggles that I can tell you dislike greatly having to tell others." Maria explains.

I can't seem to shake off feeling like a five year old who got caught writing on the wall and stay silent as I meet her stare. "Keeping everything to yourself, and suffering alone is something that you should try and overcome."

My hands start to shake and my heart starts to pump widely in my chest. No matter what anyone says, nobody likes to have their problems pointed out to them. "I only keep everything inside because I don't want to hurt anyone. And ya maybe I'm being dumb for letting my problems only bother me, but that way it's only hurting one person."

"Accepting that you have the problem is the first step in solving it. So why don't we change the subject and talk about Jace?" She questions, and I can't help but lift my head up in surprise.

Every visit she always asks to talk about him, she never beats around the bush, or has a scheduled time to say it. "Um..uh, I was uh remembering when I stayed up late the other night something that I use to do when his death was more recent." I begin, taking a small breath.