First There Was You

Chapter 51: Elle

Content warning: This chapter contains mature content.

August 13

Caledon, Ontario

Walking through the woods with Kuna, I close my eyes and listen to the sounds of nature. This was exactly what I needed.

I'd dropped Greyson off with Liam after work this morning, spending my first afternoon away from him in days, even though guilt had chased me through the entire drive down.

For the past few days, I've felt on the razor's edge of my emotional limits, with so many other emotional people surrounding me, I'm having a hard time recalibrating, staying positive, staying calm.

Maybe it's unfair that I have this escape, this part of my life that's untouched by emotional turmoil, grief, uncertainty, and sadness, but I need this like I need water.

Hudson thinks I'm too empathetic, that I need to take a step back from everyone, for just a minute. He says I'm one big panic or anxiety attack about to happen and need some time to myself. So I'd tagged along with Mom today.

As I come over the rise, at the end of the forested trail, the open field beckons. I nudge Kuna from a walk into a canter easily, letting him have his head as he tugs against my reins. Kuna opens up and just flies, kicking up twice in excitement as I laugh.

All too soon, I gradually slow Kuna, whose flanks are huffing and puffing in the heat. I steer him into the shade, walking him for a few moments, even though Kuna's already expecting the swim, trying to pull me towards the water.

I unbutton my loose shirt, hanging it on a branch before swinging my leg over one side of Kuna. Balanced precariously, I yank my boots off, tying the laces together and tossing them over the same branch. I try to remove my jeans, attempting to stay on his back, while I do.

Kuna, impatient, takes a few quick steps forward, and I nearly slide off him. I wiggle out of my jeans, then toss them over everything else on the branch.

It's deeper than last time I was here, Kuna can only just touch the bottom, and he stands, happily blowing bubbles in the water and splashing his head through the still, slightly muddy surface.

I stand on Kuna's hindquarters doing a big cannonball into the water and swimming back to Kuna, sliding onto his back again like a slippery seal, laughing. We play in the water; me jumping and sliding over his back; him blowing bubbles and splashing me as I swim by. I glance at my watch and jolt. As usual, I've lost track of time.

Kuna takes some persuading to get out of the water, and I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever get him out. When I do, he shakes, nearly sending me sliding off his wet, slick fur, and I laugh, holding on tightly.

I grab my clothes, and I drape my jeans and shirt over my lap, riding back through the field in my undergarments, hoping to dry a little before getting back to the barn. I'd like to keep my clothes relatively clean and dry for the drive home.

Mom's face as I ride around the side of the barn is priceless.

"Elle Harper Montgomery. What on earth were you thinking, riding across God only knows where in your underwear?"

"Oh, come on Mom. You used to sneak your pony into the house, this is hardly the worst you've seen, anyway."

My mom smiles, shaking her head in defeat. "You're incorrigible."

When I only shrug, smiling down at her she sighs. "Not one speck of that dirt gets in my car. Now hose that poor animal down, yourself too. I'm going to have a coffee with the adults."