Hello Adventure

Chapter 23

I would not accept the bottle of pills.

I was through with using Adderall. I had been completely addicted, spiraling out of control up until the end of college when I was forced to do something. I had to do something because it took over my life. First, I went in swallows, and then, by the end, it was going up my nose. Fast and furiously, my life was zipped away, one line white dusty line at a time.

When I finally realized that I was out of control, I went to rehab, and after, to see a counselor twice every week. I even joined an outpatient recovery circle that I'm still a part of to make sure I would never fall into that quicksand again.

And finally now, only after all these months and months of work, I finally knew for sure I didn't need the pills anymore. I had taught my body not to need them. I had taught my mind to work without them. I could finally think and work and cope without them. I could finally sleep through the night again, and I actually had an appetite again. I was better!

"Come on ma souris, take them!" Seb hissed. "You sounded so stressed on the phone." Sebastian looked around and shivered the bottle at me annoyed. The little powdery salmon-colored pills rattled against the sides—a sound I knew well. My hesitation reminded me of the first time Sebastian offered me a pill.

It was freshman year, on the fifth floor of the library where no one ever studied because it always got to too hot, but I like it there because it was church-quiet, distraction-free. Sebastian didn't like it up there, but even after two months, he was failing almost every class and he begged me to make him study, so I took him along. We were pulling an all-nighter. I had two midterms the next day, along with a paper. There was just too much work to get done and I was behind because I had to work double-shifts waitressing. I felt like I was drowning, that there was no way I'd maintain my GPA. There was a real risk of losing my financial aid and my place in the competitive communications program.

Sebastian was soliciting me for help with some paper or another when he took out a tiny glassine baggie filled with pills.

"I have something to save us," Sebastian had said.

"What's that?" I asked even though I knew what it was.

"It's free," he told me. "Go on and take it. It would always be free for you, if I could. But you know my father is so tight with his finances. If you like it I can get you more."

"Nah, it's fine...I don't have a prescription, and I don't have ADHD."

"Don't worry about that. You'll see how great it is. Just try it. I promise you, a parade couldn't distract your concentration once you take this."

I picked up the bag and studied it. Of course, it was no secret to me that some people used Adderall as a study aid. Some girls in my high school even used it as an appetite suppressant. Still, I was nervous.

You see, I was always the good girl. I never did anything I wasn't supposed to do. Ever. Even back in high school, I knew that one mistake—one underage drink, one playground cigarette, one shoplifted bottle of nail polish—was all it would take to get my scholarship revoked and my ass thrown out.

Sebastian weaseled out two pills from the plastic and swallowed them with no water and then grinned.

"Relax. I do it all the time," he told me. "But I just don't have your brain, so it doesn't work so well on me. But on you. Shit. You'll be unstoppable. Superhuman."

I didn't know it at the time, but Sebastian was selling the stuff all around campus. I didn't know it at the time, but I would become his very best client, shelling out thousands to him over the years. Thousands that I didn't have.