Insomniac||l.s

chapter twenty-six

Doncaster, England📍

**

As expected, I couldn't sleep in this crummy-ass school. Even with Louis attached to me like a leech, there was just too much going through my mind and too much pain in my back from the floor.

I finally groaned and slowly teared myself out of Louis' grip to stand up. Niall, Liam, and Zayn seemed to be cuddled in a three-way right now so I walked around them without a thought.

Honestly, I knew I wouldn't be able to get sleep here, especially with the constant thought of Louis giving his dad a blow job in my brain. Like fuck, he was eight. I just really worry about him sometimes.

But who even says we're going to last forever? I want to, I really do because. . I don't think I've liked someone this much before.

Louis feels like my soulmate. . Is he? Will he be?

These are the constant thoughts that roam my hollow brain now. It's like my skull is so small that every thought I have is constantly in a whirl around the interior. Every night is a constant struggle when I'm weeping in mental pain and numbness that I have to hit myself or kick around in bed.

This night in particular is the worst kind of nights, the ones where you feel that pain deep down, slowly rising to the top and filling your chest in a weight of anxiety. It pins you down to the ground until you realise you can't get back up and you're just. . stuck.

It's like trying to break free from a hold but you're too weak to put even a little strength to your legs to help you push out. And then when you do. . you're left to your thoughts again.

Though, you don't know why this is happening, you can't pin-point the pain you feel and you don't know why it's occurred. You're suffocating.

Normally nights like these I have another break down before silently crying against my pillow. Gritting and crying until I pass out. In my case, I still can't. Then when I do, I wake up in sweat and tears, and sometimes even my own blood from scratching at myself.

I gulped and made my way out the big heavy doors, wandering around the dark, spooky, cold, abandoned school to get some air. Because I'm drowning.

Walking over to the cafeteria, everything seems so familiar but a lot more scary. It almost comforts me. Not in a weird way, I have fears like any normal person, but feeling something for once makes a difference. It makes me smile.

The thrill of having the fear that something can jump out of the dark and kill me at any second is exciting. Adrenaline running through your body like a tidal wave, waiting for your life to flash before your eyes, waiting for that moment where you feel the deep pain of the object causing your death, waiting for that last breath, you exhale.

"Harry." I spun around to find Louis at the end of the hall, holding his body and shivering. I gave him my jumper, leaving me in a shirt, but he still happend to be cold. What a cutie.

"Lou?" He nods, waddling up to me in quick steps, the pitter-patter of his bare feet on the cold floor sounding the room.

"Harry, I'm cold and sleepy." He sticks his bottom lip out at me, rubbing his arms with his sweater-pawed hands.

I frowned at my boyfriend. "You didn't have to get up, baby." He removed his grip from himself and suddenly was groping the bottom of my shirt in his small paws; pulling me closer. I obliged easily and wrapped my arms protectively around the boy whose face was now buried in my chest. My embrace was warm and huge compared to his tiny self, making him muffle a sigh into my chest.

"Why'd you get up?"

"Couldn't sleep." He kept quiet and finally let go of my shirt, wrapping his arms around my waist since my arms were higher.

"Did you see the lads?" Louis giggled after some silence.

I smiled. "Yeah, yeah I did." Then chuckled. They were all quite cute like that. "'D you take a pic?"

Louis nodded into my chest. "I did, boyfriend." My heart warmed at the name, I'd still have to get used to that.

"Are you warm enough?" I went to back off but he tightened his grip around me and nuzzled his face into my chest. After, he placed his forehead against it again. I took that as the answer and we stayed there for a while.

I could only now focus on my heartbeat that was beating for him. Planting a soft kiss at the top of his head, keeping my lips there for a while, then resting my chin on his fluffy locks. Louis was mine, he was mine.

Soon enough I felt his grip become weaker, I was practically holding up all of his weight. I figured he had half-fallen asleep in my embrace so I brought my hands to the back of his thighs and hoisted his legs around me. Sleepy-Louis understood and secured his legs, arms wrapping around my neck. His face was now nuzzling into my neck like a kitten and letting out tired whimpers.

I couldn't explain or express how much love I felt at this moment. It had to be love, I was burning with something like endearment and passion.

My feet moved carefully back into the gym, Louis loosely hanging on and letting out quiet breaths into my neck as we walked back over to the blanket pile which was mostly comfortable but still bad.

When I went to let go of Louis' legs he whined and his grip tightened again. I got the message and slowly lowered us to the ground, me on my back and Louis directly on top of me like a sloth or monkey.

I kept my arms around his waist, his now back on my shirt and groping it. His legs locked around my sides and his face stayed in the crook of my neck. I finally understood that he was making sure I wouldn't leave him again.

Who knew I could go from a scumbag like Josh to a perfect baby-like sweetheart like Louis. It was astonishing, really, I didn't deserve him. But I'm happy I've got him.

It honestly makes me feel accomplished, 'cause like, there are a thousand girls and boys in this school that want my man, and he can get thousands of girls and boys. But like. . He chose me.

*