XXIII

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"I don't think I trust her," Austin whispered exclusively to Damian-though I still managed to hear it- as he stood by the gate to leave.

Damian rolled his eyes.

"Just go."

Austin narrowed his eyes at his friend before mumbling something about his friend getting over missing him within minutes of seeing him before he finally turned around and left. Damian didn't waste a second in occupying his place on the sofa again.

"Now start explaining everything," he basically ordered.

I inhaled as I tried to think of where to start.

"The man I shot was the same man from.. from the video."

Damian didn't show any reaction to that but I could tell that he was taken by surprise.

"As in the man you cheated on me with?" he asked and I quickly stiffened defensively.

"The same man," I murmured.

We sat in silence for a couple of minutes before he sighed.

"Why?" he whispered. His voice was soft, softer than it ever had been as he said the words that were on his mind the moment the past events happened.

My eyes started welling up with tears which I couldn't control as soon as he said it.

Why?

Who knew this word would ever have this much of an impact on me and my emotions?

"I couldn't do anything else. I wanted to protect her, but now she doesn't even want to see me," my voice cracked. I wiped the tears from my eyes as I tried to stabilize my quivering voice.

Crying is a weakness and I'm starting to get sick of being weak.

"Who? Who are you talking about? Who is she?"

"My mother. He threatened me with her. He said that if I told anyone about the letters he sent harassing me, he'd kill her. He also promised that he was going to hurt you," I blurted out before I could stop myself.

"Valerie," he exhaled as he put his hand over mine. "I'm lost. Be more clear."

I quickly nodded.

"That video.. it was all his ploy to ruin my life. He wanted me to lose you like I made him lose the love of his life. I understand him, really. I'm messed up. All I ever do is mess up. I didn't mean for anything to end up like that."

"Why didn't you tell me anything?" he demanded, although I could hear some concern in his voice.

"I told you, he warned me! He said he was going to hurt you and kill my mother!"

"But why? Who is he? What did you do?"

I laughed humorlessly.

"I messed up bad. You know, I kind of deserve the way my life got ruined. I had it all coming."

"Valerie, you're not making a lot of sense right now."

"It's all my fault," I chanted over and over again, as if I was trapped in a daze. I could see images of the things I ruined. I could see my mother still liking me, I could see her, my only sister smiling at me. I could even see him before he made it his mission to ruin my life like I did his.

I clenched my eyes shut as I tried to push away the images, the thoughts; everything haunting me all at once. I felt arms wrapping around me and a voice whispering soothing words in attempt for me to calm down and soon enough, I blacked out into a dreamless sleep.

It's all my fault.

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