At the End of the Garden

Chapter Eleven

"You're in a better mood." Sidney noted when I met him later that day.
He finally seemed to accept that the weather was cold and today wore a hoodie under his blazer, which was definitely breaking the uniform policy. He wasn't pretending he couldn't feel the weather today either. His shoulders were raised to his cheeks, even though he made fun of me for doing the same thing not too long ago. My coat didn't seem to make me any warmer, I was shivering too. Despite this, we continued to walk away from the warm school building when I met him at the gate. Neither of us were leading the other, we just naturally went in the direction we didn't go last time.
"Yes." I agreed. "I suppose, I made some new friends... I think?"
Once the words came out of my mouth I'd felt embarrassed about saying them. Excited to make knew friends? Was I starting my first day primary school? What do you even class as a friend anyway? I gave them chocolate, is that enough? That felt more like bribery. I'd only spoken to them on three occasions. Did they even want me as their friend?
"Oh yeah, anyone I know?" Sidney asked, not teasing me about it like I thought he might.
"Renée and Michael." I said.
"Ren didn't put you off?"
"She tried her best."
Sidney laughed and as always it was contagious.
"I kind of like that she's honest."
"Trust me, it gets old." He said. "I guess there are worse things she could be though."
"Oh right." He'd reminded of something I'd been meaning to ask. "Do you know them well?"
"Ren and Michael? Not really."
"You called her Ren."
"She prefers it." Sidney said. "What are you tryna accuse me of?"
"Nothing! Nothing."
Sidney caught sight of a swing park on the other side of the road and suggested we go in for a bit. At this time of day it would usually be packed full with primary school kids, but thanks to the dreary weather it was practically empty. It had only stopped raining an hour or so ago. Sidney flipped a swing over onto it's dry side and carelessly sat on it. In my attempt to do the same, I ended up flicking water all over my legs, which Sidney of course found funny. It wasn't as comfortable as it would be sitting on the right surface of the swing, but at least it was dry. I adjusted my skirt to make sure my legs didn't touch the cold surfaces, which Sidney didn't notice. Thankfully.
"Now that I think about it, Renée was quick to accuse you of spreading the rumour." I said.
"Sounds like Ren." Sidney said, shrugging.
"So was Angie."
"Where you going with this?"
I shook my head. "I'm not really sure. Maybe I'm missing something, but it feels weird that those two in particular would accuse you."
"You don't have a lot of faith in me, do you?" He didn't sound very happy about his inference.
I looked at him to see if I had offended him at all, but like always he was smirking.
"Ren also said something about seeing you tomorrow."
"Aaaah." Sidney made this noise when he figured he couldn't escape the situation I'd put him in.
I looked to him, waiting for an answer. I don't know what expression I was making, but it seemed to get a response out of him.
"You're too nosy, you know that?" He said. Though, I didn't think I was.
"So, am I missing something?"
"Yeah, it's not like - anything anyone else knows." He said as he kicked his feet against the ground and started gently swing. After a few moments of not saying anything, he sighed.
"Why do I feel like you're forcing this information out of me."
"I am not."
"It's your eyes."
"I'm not doing anything!"
He was deterring from the topic by making me laugh, which wasn't unlike him at all.
"Fine." I continued. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."
"That is not what your face is saying."
"You know, it's starting to sound like you want to tell me."
He dug his heels into the ground to stop swinging.
"It's not that deep." He said.
I couldn't tell if that was a reason to or not to tell me.
"Basically." He started, then hesitated. "You're lucky I like you."
I rolled my eyes at him, a physical way of saying 'get on with it'.
"Some point this week was the anniversary of when Luka first went missing. So this weekend, her old friends and family are gonna get together to like, celebrate? Or something. I'm not sure why they do when none of them want to accept she's dead, so..."
I got it. Eden and Victor Quinn do something similar on the anniversary of Evelyn's death. But I was wondering what Luka had to do with this, I hadn't heard her name in a while and had to remind myself of who she was.
"Why will you be there?" I asked.
Sidney pushed his feet off the the ground and started swinging again.
"Okay, so." He began, then looked at me to check I was paying attention. He received my eyes firmly fixed on him. "Basically, when Luka first went missing, her mum went on a desperate rampage to find her. Went all round London and probably the rest of the country, thinking her run away daughter might pop up in a care home or homeless shelter."
I nodded, waiting to find out what this had to do with him.
"This woman, right, she likes to think she's some sort of saviour now. Reckons she's a victim, which I suppose is fair, and when she don't find her daughter she goes out of her way to make herself feel less guilty 'bout it. So, at this one foster-home she goes to, she finds this kid who's kinda like, in constant trouble for running away and her guilt takes over. Thinking she can do a better job the second time round, she fosters him and takes him to her big house in north London, and I won't lie, the air is kinda different this side of the river - "
"You're fostered."
"Uh-huh," He said, looking straight ahead. "I'm technically, Luka's foster brother, 'cept she never met me."
"That's what you meant by distantly related..." I muttered into the air.
It wasn't raining, but Sidney looked up at the sky and pretended it was by putting his hood up.
"Sorry."
"For what?"
"For making me tell you with my face - or whatever."
Sidney snorted. "Don't look at me like that. Seriously, I do like you Marie, you're a good... mate. No. I mean it, stop it with the face!"
"I'm not doing a face!"
"You are." It seemed like he was trying to lighten the conversation up again, but his face was serious as he reached over to pinch my cheek. "Stop it."
"Owwww! I don't even know what I'm doing!"
"Looking all sad and sorry for me. I don't like it."
"Well! What do you want me to do? Laugh?"
"Just don't look at me different," he said. "You posh people are all so weird when you find out people have had shitty lives, oh - so don't go telling the whole school."
"What do you mean - and I'm not posh!"
"Uh, so are."
"Maybe, um, well-spoken, but not... posh."
"You keep telling yourself that."
"Have you spoken to Angie, that's posh."
Although, Renée was kind of posh as well, which made sense since they were related in some way. But Renée seemed to purposely use colloquialisms to make herself not seem posh, for whatever reasons, they didn't sound natural. I also always thought Eden was posher than I was, but since we had pretty much the same upbringing I wasn't going to admit it in front of Sidney. Me and Eden both had one very well-spoken parent, and one who was a little less so.
Sidney shook his head. He had successfully diverted us away from the topic, I trusted that he thought it was for the best and I thought so too. It didn't feel right talking about sad things with Sidney. So far, I'd relied on him to lift my spirits when I needed it. Though, I did feel somewhat glad he told me.
"Anyway, you can't bully me about this. You're the one who stands out!"
"Nah. I speak normally. You're all weird."
"You speak slang."
"Wow, I haven't heard anyone say that since primary school."
This lead into a whole new conversation on old schools, and anything else similar. I told him about Eden's military like primary school, with their pleated shorts and strict teachers. I was going to tell him about how Eden and I always wished to be at the same secondary school, but it didn't feel right, so I kept it to myself. Sidney shared with me an endless list of strategies he'd use to get out of school when he was only seven, and an old friend who used to help him. After about five minutes, I was rocking backwards and forwards on the swings like a six-year-old. Angie would not be seen dead with me like this. Then suddenly, out of nowhere.
"Do you think Eden actually likes you?"
I should have hesitated and wondered why he was asking. But the sudden thought of my childhood friend made me hot and angry. The stubbornness I felt when I was with him rose up like magma in a volcano. And I realised I didn't want to talk to Sidney about my boyfriend anyway. I spat the words: "no way," out of my mouth.
"Why'd he ask you out then?" Sidney sounded genuinely curious, but the fact he had his hood up still and was looking at his feet made it hard for me to confirm this.
"I don't know, maybe to stop rumours... I think, it makes sense."
"Rumours?"
I hummed. "I think. People were judging him for being so close with me but not doing anything about it. Something about him being gay, as well."
"Oh yeah, I remember that."
"You didn't start that rumour too, did you?"
"Of course not! I've got better things to be doing."
"Like what? You're homework."
"What?" Sidney faked a gasp. "You don't believe I keep leaving it at home?" He looked so smug saying that.
As he spoke, a car pulled outside the swing park. It was the cleanest car on the street, probably. You would be able to see your reflection in the polished black doors as well as the tinted windows. That fact made it no surprise at all when Eden climbed out the backdoor. Sidney muttered a 'damn' anyway. He must had seen us as he was driving home and asked the driver to pull over. As Eden approached, we sat silently. I stared at my hands like they were really interesting. I hoped that if Eden thought I hadn't noticed him, he might get confused and go away. To no-one's surprise, that didn't happen.
"I was waiting for you." Eden said, not even acknowledging Sidney's presence.
It had only been fifteen or so minutes since school finished and I had left with Sidney. It hadn't felt like a long time to me, but it must have been to wait for someone. I hadn't told Eden I wasn't go to his house today. I assumed it was implied.
"Did you want something?" I asked. It felt hard to compose a thought when all I could think about was how Sidney was still there and the conversation we'd just had.
Sidney had taken his hood down at some point after Eden arrived, and was swinging slowly like he wasn't there and didn't know us. I wouldn't have been surprised if he started whistling to himself.
"I wanted to - " Eden stopped and recognised Sidney's presence. "- talk. Could you come back with me?"
No. Was my knee jerk reaction. I managed not to say it out loud. I was quite happy where I was. Just as I was about to express this, Sidney chimed in.
"She's all yours."
I looked at Sidney. If there was an expression that was half disgust and half pleading I had it on my face. I wanted him to take it back. I wanted to kick him. Sidney just shrugged. Irritatingly.
"Fine." I said. I grabbed my bag from the floor and followed Eden, who had already started going back to the car. I didn't bother saying goodbye to Sidney, even though part of me wanted to.