Make Me Feel Alive ! fransykes !

5: ramen noodles and macaroni

You can tell I'm hungry as you read this

Last night when I came home Oli wasn't in my house. He's a very independent guy, very stubborn and it's both good and bad. In this case it's bad, it makes me worried. 

Its morning and I haven't slept at all. I've been trying to but I'm to anxious. I only have his phone number so I couldn't see if he was online. He didn't answer my text but he almost never does. My front door shuts and I sit up.

I get up and leave my bedroom to see him leaning against the front door. "Oli," I say going over to him. He looks happy... He's high.

"There was a tree outside," he tells me. "It was pretty," he says and I pull up his shirt to see if he hurt himself any more. Why is it stitched up?

"Did you go to the hospital?" I ask and he hugs me. I hug back making sure I don't hurt him.

"Mmm... close. Can we eat? Its been a while since I've ate," he says.

"Yeah, what do you want?" I ask now smelling the weed on him. I'm glad it's just weed and not something else.

"Ramen noodles and macaroni," he says and I go to the kitchen. He follows and takes out the goldfish from the cabinet and starts eating them. I start the water and then go get a blunt from my room and light it up.

"You're always complaining about how I'm so secretive. Wanna know somthin?" He says getting my attention.

"Yeah?" I ask hopefully. It's hard to accept that I'm madly in love with someone I hardly know.

"Well," he starts eating more goldfish.  I take a hit and he starts again. "I had sex with my teacher. She forced me to. So I guess it was rape. But, whatever. Another teacher found out and started using me too. But I got fed up. I got into a fist fight in the middle of class with the teacher. Then bam, I got kicked out of school," he says and I feel my heart break a bit.

"That..." I start but don't know what to say. That's something I can't fix. He's lived with that for a long time and knowing him he's the only one who knows.

"Yeah, its fucked. But whatever, I didn't say it for you to try to comfort me. I'm just hungry," he says.

"Thank you for telling me," I say and try to concentrate on the food and not how horrible this world is. I can't imagine how hard that was and is for him. I don't know much about his post but I can tell it's bad from the snippets I learn. He's always so sad unless he's high. He needs drugs to make him feel alive. Just like how I need alcohol.

He looks at me with a thoughtful look. "What if I was a bad guy? Would you still like me?" He asks. He is was to harsh on himself. He would never be a bad guy.

"Of course," I say not thinking about it too much. I love him, I will still love him if he messed up a little. Like his drug problem, that (in some people's eyes) makes him a 'bad guy' and I still love him. He nods a little and sighs.

"It hurts to be stabbed, try not to get stabbed," he tells me.

"Yeah I think you don't even need to tell me that," I say with a chuckle. I fix our food and together we eat in mostly silence.

We go to sleep together but when I wake up he's gone. It's not surprising but I wish he would talk to me more about what's going on. I could help him.

This is a very short chapter but Oh well, get ready for some shit that's about to happen.

Words: 666

Sunday, October 4, 2020