Make Me Feel Alive ! fransykes !

7. dinner

Oliver's pov

I keep a eye on the shaking girl. I do feel bad for her, this was hardly about her. Her mom was the first teacher who raped me and I knew she knew about it to some degree. She bullied me and it only lasted a year because she was in her last year in high school when I was in my second year but it was enough to make me okay with using her to hurt her mom.

The plan was to kidnap her, worry her mom, hurt her so when she got back to her mom her mom will feel really bad. She wouldn't know it was me but I'm sure she would suspect me. That was okay because I was covering my tracks good but then danielle had to see who I was.

That ruined everything for her and me.

I look in my cabinets but theres literally nothing except some uncooked rice. I dont have water or power to cook it. As I look around I find a pop tart packet. It's the only one, I got it from Josh. I sigh. Theres nothing else.

I go to her and give it to her. She doesn't know I dont have food, she thinks I'm starving her on purpose. But I haven't ate since the other day when Josh made me all that food. Danielle starts eating it immediately. If I could I'd feed her three times a day.

Maybe going to jail would be better than both me and her starving. No, if I went to prison or jail the guys there will rape me. I'm a 'pretty boy' and you know what they do to guys like me in prison. I've been raped and sexually abused all my life, I dont want it to continue.

"W-where were you?" She asks snapping me out of my thoughts.

I look at her surprised. Shes never asked questions before. Only in the first year she was here but I never answered her questions.

"Something happened so I couldn't get back," I say simply. She doesn't need to know while I was selling drugs I got stabbed and then police were onto me. I've been pretending to not be hurt because if she knew she could use that as an advantage. If she kicked or punch me right there I'd probably not be able to do anything for a few moments and that could lead to her escaping.

He looks at the poptart and then me. "Are my parents looking for me?" She asks. "Do they miss me?" She looks like shes about to cry.

"They don't post anything about you anymore so I guess they don't care anymore," I shrug. I stalk her mom on Facebook sometimes.

"Why are you doing this?" She cries.

"I already told you," I shoot back.

"Y-you kidnapped me for years because I got my friends to lock you in a locker!? We weren't that cruel! You're so fucked up!" She cries harder. I told her I'm doing this because she bullied me. But the main reason was because of her mom.

"Shut up or I'll put you in that room!" I snap but stay standing straight because my stab wound is really hurting now.

"This is so unfair," she whispers lowing her head.

"Yeah, life is unfair. Do you think it was fair that your mom raped me when I was 14?" I hiss and she looks at me with wide eyes. I instantly feel cautious of guard. I didn't want her to know that. That wasn't her business.

"She... raped you?" She asks.

"Yeah but it wasn't even the first time I was raped so it doesn't matter," I roll my eyes trying to play it like I don't care. She goes quiet.

"You kidnapped me to get back at her?" She asks.

"Why are you asking so much?" I growl.  It was a rhetorical question but she still answers.

"Because its been three years, I want to go back," she says but I shake my head.

"Me and you know that if you go back I'll be locked up forever. I don't want that," I say.

"What if I promised I wouldn't tell?" She says desperately.

I wish but I know she would tell.

"Eat," I say and she starts eating again.  I'm so hungry.

As she eats I half watch her and half think about what I need to do. I've decided I'm not going to go to jail. I couldn't handle that.

Now I'm left with a few choices. I should kill her and live with Josh and act like this never happened. I'm feel really guilty for taking a life but it will finally be over for her. She wouldn't have to suffer and starve any longer.

I could tell josh and get him to help me figure out what to do. Theres a chance he freaks out and I have to lock him up too. But people know me and him were close so they will suspect me. Then its possible I'd have to kill both of them and I dont want that...

But then theres the best option... I let her go and kill myself. Me and Josh aren't even dating so he wont be too sad. I could dig my own grave and get danielle to cover me and ask her to not tell them were I am. That way nobody will know about my death. Even if they find me Josh might not know, he could just think I dissapeared. Unless they tell the news everything.

That doesn't even matter, if I'm dead how josh will feel doesn't matter. He's not even in love with me and after he finds out what I did he'll hate me so he wont care that I'm dead.

"You're bleeding..?" Her voice is hesitant but breaks me out of my thoughts. I look down at my light gray shirt to see blood soaking through where I was stabbed.

"It doesn't matter," I dismiss it looking at her empty wrapper and then her boney fingers.

If I kill myself she could be freed and helped. I've fucked her up pretty bad but shes strong, she'll probably find her boyfriend and they will have some great reunion and shit. I've seen him working at the mall, he looks fine but he just thinks she broke up with him and ran away.

"Do people like you out there? Are you like Ted Bundy, charming but secretly evil," she asks and I laugh.

"No, everyone hates me except one person but that's just because we have sex regularly," I say.

"But he thinks your good?" She asks.

"Yeah but we both know that's not true. Hopefully he'll never know," I say thinking about my options. I'm probably going to go with the last one. Ill kill myself. Maybe to give her a little hope I'll tell her more stuff. If she escapes I'll just kill myself before she tells the police.

"His name is josh, if I could love I'd love him. He's so different than me. He wouldn't hurt a misquote even if it was sucking his blood," I say remembering a time he went inside because one misquote was around and he didn't want to kill it.

"You sound like you love him," she says.

"My heart is dead and broken, it can't love even if it tried," I mumble getting a bottle of water that I drank half of and give it to her. She takes it quickly and starts drinking it quickly.

After shes done she looks at my blood again and then me. "Your telling me a lot, is something happening? Are you going to kill me?" She asks scared.

"If you be good I might let you go soon," I tell her. She just stares at me.

"You won't, you think I'll tell," she says like she thinks it's a trick.

"If that's what you want to think. Now, I need you to go back to your room. I need to do somethings," I say and she looks at the front door longingly. "Now," I snap and she gets up scared. She goes to her room with me following.

"I wont chain you up but if you give me a reason to question if that was the right choice I'll chain you up and you can forget about that shower," I say and she nods and goes to the dog bed and pillow she has in the corner. It's better than a moldy broken mattress she did have.

I lock her in and grab my ribs. It hurts so fucking bad. I need drugs. I stumble to the livingroom where I sleep and grab the needle I just got and get my special K bottle and filling the syringe with it and get the air out.

I get on the couch and then pull up my sleeve and stick the needle in the vein in the pit of my arm. Slowly I inject it into my bloodstream and sigh.

I'm just a junkie...

I'll kill myself soon and everything will be better.

Words: 1533

Monday, October 5, 2020