Class of 2000

Chapter six

"What are we reading?" Nolan whispered over at me I was shocked that he was talking to me, the color drained from my face and was tripping on my words

"W-W-We are are reading, The Outsiders"

"Oh, that's awesome, great book, the movie was great as well"
All I could do was nod and look down in my book and when I glanced over, he was checking his breath and his arm pits for a foul smell to see if that's why I had turned into a mute. Mrs.Forester asked me to continue reading for the class, I looked down trying to remember my place in the book and couldn't seem to get my shit together, then Nolan spoke out

"Um... Mrs.Forester, I would gladly take the  place of..Caroline and carry on it you don't mind, plus let me brush up on it as well."

"Of course, we are in the second paragraph of page 100."

He licks his fingers, turns page by page and I memorize his patterns of looking up, so I can look back down. The curls in his hair, the Chelsea boots he so proudly wears and the smile he flashes. This boy is going to kill me.

...

Walking out into the hallway, with my Walkman blaring Today's Rock hits on my local radio station, I feel I slight tap on my shoulder and I jerk around, it's Nolan.

"Hey, sorry I didn't mean to scare you, but I just wanted to say thanks for letting me take that seat next to you, I know you probably kept it empty for a reason."

"N-N-Not, necessarily" I stuttered
"I just, never had the opportunity to have anyone sit next to, I'm can be perceived as the loner type to most."

"Well, loner, I will see you around" he smiled and playfully punched my shoulder.

Walking to lunch, walking past the locker where Charlie and I had our flirty conversations freshman year, him "accidentally" bring mate for his art class, when I was drying my lunch break. I skipped lunch, because he said he wanted me to be in his class with him during my free hour, my hour was really a time to eat so I wouldn't become a bitch fest, but I didn't care, I just knew I wanted to be around Charlie. That was a mistake on my part, because little did I know that would lead me down to the temptation of starving my body to please others. During those times I skipped lunch to be with him, I was losing weight and didn't notice, but others did and I enjoyed people seeing me as this "Skinny mini" than your "Average joe" I fell in love with the idea of being , Pepsi commercial Cindy Crawford than myself.

"What would you like?" Asked the lunch lady

"I will take the turkey sandwich, please"

I was petrified, turkey sandwich's are a huge fear food, but I have been in recovery for a year six months now and just because that memory was trigger, doesn't mean I need to listen to that voice in my head telling me "skip, save calories" food is apart of life and to keep me alive, that voice wants me dead. So, I conquered that fear and say with the uncomfortable and fought against the thoughts because I don't want to die.

Sitting at the lunch table, looking at every face, always the same people at each table and never a new face. Cliques are a "necessity" to most in high school, you are only allowed one friend group, they say, but what about the ones who don't know where they belong, what tribe makes them feel like them? What if they are apart of many different activities that make them apart of different friend groups, what then? Do we have to play "sacrificial lamb"scenarios? " Choose one or you die" is what if feels like.

...

During my intense train of thought, I see an unfamiliar face, breaking the rules, at my table, well, the mini table I sit at that, no one sits at, well no one important. I get a whiff of that Old Spice cologne.

...

"Hey, loner" Nolan says as he slides into the seat, like a little show off

I look up and see his face and I begun to turn red... AGAIN!

"H-h-hey, what's up fresh meat?"

"Oooh, burn, ahhh" he says as he hold his hand over his chest and chuckles

"So, when you said you're a loner, you weren't kidding, huh?"

"Well, a non optional loner, cliques will follow us into the new century"  I softly laugh

Nolan eyes look confused, you can tell his mind is thinking over the words that just fell out of my mouth

"How do you mean?" He asks

"Just that I am, a loner, because I am invisible to most or at least I think I am, also don't look at me with pity" I tell him, as I can slowly start to tell his eyes getting glassy, almost as if he was going to start giving me the "you poor thing" look

"I wasn't giving pity, just understand my fellow loner"

"You? Loner? No way"

"Hey, we aren't always what fellow peers perceive us to be, we are more than meets the eye" Nolan said playing with the wrapper left on the table

"Well, fellow loner, I'm glad we had a chance to talk" I told him

He smiles at me and winks at me before he leaves for his next class. I had this feeling in my gut to ask him to hang out sometime, but something stopped me from doing so and by the time I got the courage to, he was already gone. Urge, why me?