Class of 2000

Chapter seven

Walking out of lunch and back into the hallways of the "pit of teenage depression" I was thinking about that party at Tyra's and wonder who is going to fall victim to her shit again. You see Tyra and I were best friends, so I know exactly what goes on behind the scenes that she doesn't want anyone to know about. She hides the fact that she video tapes anybody's fuck ups like cheating, stealing, sex, all the stuff you would never want anyone to see and uses it as blackmail so they would have to grant her favors.

...

"Caroline!" I hear a familiar voice shout my name
"Caroline!" I turn around and it's Alisa shouting from down the hall through a crowd of tall people and I see her short self, through the crowd and she is feisty, don't underestimate her because she started pushing through the behemoths of men and shoved them without caring what they thought, I love that girl.

"Alisa, what the hell are you doing?" I chuckled

"Have you seen the new guy? He is fine with a capital F"

I assumed she was talking about Nolan

"Nolan?"

"You know him!?" She asked with excitement

"Yeah, he was in my English class and he and I talked for a bit"

She halted in the middle of the hall, put her arm in front of my chest and stopped me from walking. She approached me and looked me in the eyes

"Hold up. You talked to him, I mean like actually talked to him!?"

"Yes, he is very sweet, loner type, I mean I stuttered every time we started a conversation, but yeah"
I was trying to act like I wasn't freaking out over how handsome he was and that I wanted to bare his children

"I want details!" Alisa asked

"We talked mostly about me, he hasn't told me anything about himself, I think he is avoiding the subject to be honest"  I said with confusion

"Honey, he is new and probably wants to wait between the twenty-five minutes between English class and lunch to do so." Alisa told me

I felt silly, but she is right, I mean I can't ask for his whole life's story in one day, I guess I am just an eager beaver because I never really talk to anyone other than the people I love most in the world...Charlie doesn't count anymore. I just don't need to sound desperate either, nothing scares a guy more than the odor of your desperation, well, that and the mention of periods, but you get my point.

Coming home, thinking about Nolan gave me butterflies that the heavens could fill in such beauty. I know it's dumb to do this, but to cure my hopeless romantic sadness at that moment, I popped in a VHS tape of "Scream" just because her boyfriend turned out to be a sick fucker who murders people, but it makes you think about who you fall for. I have just fallen for the wrong guys, the narcissistic, pompous assholes who just make my life hell. I want to find someone who will meet the needs of many with his one soul, I want a love that lasts on two hour old coffee and unmade sheets. I want someone who enjoys me for me, because I learned in the deeps of my eating disorder recovery, to knew change who you are to fit what society wants to see in you.

Also note to self-
"Caroline, stay a virgin in the awaking of a serial killer, sluts are the first to die"

....

I creep downstairs at 2 AM to grab a late night snack as I haven't gone to sleep. Too much studying. See the thing about me is that I am a perfectionist, I have to make sure I get almost every question right, if I'm writing an essay, my handwriting as to look perfect. If I am drawing something, the art has to look like the picture. If I am taking a test, I reread the entire chapters worth of homework and then some, just to make a perfect grade. See the pattern, if you don't ,I have worries about my academic career, but yeah! It's fucked up and OCD isn't really treated so, whatcha going to do?

...

I open the fridge and creep out some milk and my favorite cereal "Frosted Flakes" and made a big ass bowl that I knew I would regret later since I would have to pee fifty times when I'm sleeping. As I close the fridge, I see a silhouette of a person on the counter, I ignore it hoping it's my sleep deprived mind getting to me, then I see it again and I turn on the light, I scream and almost piss my pants until I realize it's my fucking mother! Geez, between you, me and the fence post, she is one scary lady with bed head and green avocado mask on her face,

...

"What the hell!?" My mom yelled frantically

"I just wanted cereal!" I said

"What are you doing up?" She asked me

"I told you I wante-" before I could get out the rest of that sentence, she gave me the look only a mother could give and you know to stop acting like a smart ass before she went back in time and ruined the day of your conception.

"Okay, it's just I can't sleep knowing that this paper doesn't feel right"

"Well, get a new paper and problems are solved" she said with a half smile

"Now, who is the smart ass?"
She chuckled and gave me a signal to let me know to continue on.

"It's not just the homework though"

"And there it is" she said

"There is this boy and i am a mess around him, I get nervous, he actually talks to me which brings out my stutter and he sees me like actually sees me and I'm afraid I will screw it all up"

"Well, honey the only way you could ever screw it up is to not act on the instincts that God gave you and trust your gut. If this boy is around you and likes you for you, then you need to keep him in your life"

My mom may be old, but she is the wisest person I know. She gives me lessons on life that school isn't even qualified to give