FORBIDDEN IDENTITY

BROKEN HEART

Relaxing jazz music was playing over the speakers. People were sitting at tables on their computers and sipping drinks in Midnight Café. Located in Downtown Fullerton just a few blocks from the train station. Joanne and Ryan walked to a table near the back carrying their drinks and sat down. It was the start of the cold winter season and people were wearing more layers. Ryan was wearing a grey sweater with the school logo and black jeans. Joanne was dressed more elegant with a white mink coat, longer black skirt and Chanel flats. Ryan wonder how Joanne's legs were not freezing. He figured Joanne must be accustomed to cold weather. They began sipping their drinks.

"So, what do you think of this place?" Joanne asked. Ryan looked around. "I like it, it's very relaxing." Joanne smiled. "I know, I'm so glad I discovered this place." The orange light from the setting sun was pouring in through the windows. The dim lighting in the café added to the relaxing mood. Joanne sipped her Iced Coffee. "How are your midterms?" she asked. "Terrible, I'm not sure how I did, I also have a few reports due before the Thanksgiving break," Ryan explained. "Have you finished them?" Joanne asked with a slight giggle. "No comment." They both laughed at the answer. "What about you Joanne?" "Umm...I'm keeping up with everything, I only taking two classes so I'm not under that much pressure. Actually, they're kind of fun, I've learned a lot about American culture in my classes."

Joanne and Ryan kept talking in between drinks. Joanne shared more about her experiences in the club meetings. She talked about how inspired she was about the North Korean defector who became an artist. She left out her mother's part in his success. Ryan was impressed by his story.

They finished their drinks. Joanne and Ryan sat quietly for a few moments. Joanne stared at her empty drink. She looked at Ryan. "Ryan...we haven't talked about it." Ryan finished the last of his drink. "I know...it's...we just haven't found the right time." "So why don't we talk about it now?" Ryan gave a slight nod. "You're right...we should talk about it." Joanne thought for a moment. "We've known each other for several weeks now..." Joanne began. "I feel like we've gotten to know each other very well but..." "There's still a lot we don't know about each other," Ryan finished Joanne's thought. "Yes...I wish we didn't have to hold back so much," Joanne said.

"Okay Joanne, let's changed that. What do you want to know about me?" Joanne thought about it. "Well...tell me about your family." Ryan looked uncomfortable. "I'm sorry Ryan...I didn't mean..." "No no...it's okay Joanne. I have...somewhat of an unusual family history. You see..." Ryan paused. Joanne leaned in closer. "My mother was abandoned at birth and I...am the result of an affair." Joanne looked shocked. "So, you see...not even my mother knows our family history because she doesn't know hers and...she doesn't talk about my father."

Joanne took it all in. "I'm sorry Ryan...it I had known I wouldn't have pushed." Ryan nodded. "I just didn't want you to judge me." Joanne placed her hand on Ryan's hand. "Ryan...I don't care about that. I don't hold your family history against you. Look...my mother suffered so much when she was younger..." she paused. "If you only knew what my mother and her family went through..." Joanne stopped. She realized she was revealing details about her family history that needed to remain a secret. Joanne sat back in her seat.

"So see...no one is perfect Ryan." Ryan looked relieved. "Thanks Joanne." Joanne smiled. "Joanne..." "Yes Ryan." "You said your family has been through a lot, especially your mother. What do you mean?" "They...have humble beginnings...they had nothing once, but they were able to overcome all that." "And your mother?" Joanne paused. "She...doesn't like me talking about her past..." "Okay...I understand." "It's not my decision Ryan." "Joanne it's okay, we already shared so much." "I know, I'm glad we cleared things up." Joanne and Ryan shared a smile.

Joanne understood Ryan in a way she never did before. The revelation about his family history made her realize why Ryan was private about his past. The trust he placed in her made Joanne care about him more. Joanne only wished she could be as open about her family history as Ryan was. She couldn't, there was still so much she could not reveal. Or maybe, it was time she trusted someone.