In which the pain makes me more miserable and beautiful.
- Sunwoo (Tattoo)
So this is heartbreak.
- Nahi
started: 19-10-20
end: --/--/--
status: ongoing!
SO THIS IS HEARTBREAK. it has been about two weeks since Sunwoo's and I's breakup. what have I've been doing these past weeks? many things. many things, including devouring ice-cream and reading various books to get him off my mind. what good would it do if you lock myself in my room and cry my eyes out. sure, I cry, in the shower at least. it still hurts for sure, but I for one knows, that I have to move on.
but, how would I do it?
the girls that I read in the books that I've been reading since the breakup, would want to move on. some of them would cry until the pain doesn't longer exist, some of them would eat the pain out, some would write their emotions through words that will surely bring a tear or two to your eyes of you'll just end up bawling because of her emotional and hurtful words.
some would accept the fact that it's over, and would like to change. like Sara, the good girl gone bad, or Michelle, the sunny girl turned ice cold. everybody has their own actions to move on, to forget, to come to the realization that after this junction of pain and sorrow, the sun will rise to bring sunshine and light to their ever so dark days.
they have their own different ways of forgetting, but how would I handle mine?
I kept thinking about that, how will I have I move on? after moving on, what should I do afterwards? I'm the type of person who plans ahead so that I wouldn't lose track of what I'm supposed to do in situations, but right now I'm stuck. I didn't know what to do.
right now, I know that moving on is for the best. and I want to, but how?
I took a sip from my glass of water and closed the book I was reading. I placed it in my shelf with my other books and took another I haven't read yet. some of these books were tragedies, and I would imagine myself in these situations and just end up pitying myself, while some of them were fanfictions that I printed myself. imagine being in a relationship with Keonhee of ONEUS, or Mark of GOT7 or someone that you would want to be your boyfriend but you know it wouldn't happen because they are so out of your league.
that is the harsh truth, the fangirl/fanboy feels.
but back to what I was saying, how could I move on without doing anything? or flat out not knowing how to, how dumb I know. I sighed and drank my frustrations and closed the book I was just starting to read. I stood up and took my towel, and decided to take a shower to clear things off my mind.
while I was showering, I kept thinking about the questions I asked myself since the breakup, and this is how I will drive myself to insanity. I roll my eyes at the thought and squeezed the water out of my hair, I wrapped my towel around me and went out. I changed into some comfortable clothing and decided to take a nap.
I laid down in bed and stared at the white ceiling above me. hope all knows how to move on. I chuckle at the thought and turned to my side. and looky do, what a nice surprise, I found myself looking at a framed picture of me and Sunwoo that was--- why is it still on my night table?
my brows furrowed as I sat up and threw my legs off the bed as I reach for the framed picture. I stared at it for several seconds before caressing the hard frame. I smiled. we decorated the frame ourselves, we brought some stickers and other stuff to decorate it. it was a product of creativity and effort.
I looked at the picture itself, and found myself smiling at ourselves in the picture. all happy and smiling. he had his arm wrapped around my shoulder, smiling happily at the camera. my arms were wrapped around his waist looking at him with a bright smile.
we look so happy. full of love. why did he break up with me? I was staring at the picture. I didn't notice that tears were forming in my eyes, I couldn't help but cry. I miss these moments. those times where he loved me. where we were happy, carefree, and in love.
why did it go downhill?
my thoughts turned to dust when I heard the front door opening. I stood up and went out of my room. I walked down the stairs and found my brother, Chanhee coming in my apartment with numerous paper bags. I rolled my eyes, the paper bags had different logos of expensive clothing brands like Louis Vuitton, Gucci, Victoria Secret and many more. did he finish off what was left of his credit card?
I crossed my arms and just watched him, "ah fuck. why did I even buy so many?" he whined as he placed the bags on the floor before taking a good stretch. I guessed he sensed my presence or saw me causing him to stand up straight and smile, "well hello my dear sister, how are you doing?"
"OH DEAR, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?" he asked and held my hands.
"how would I? you were overseas enjoying a business trip with your boyfriend," hope all. "plus. I'm completely fine---"
"first of all, I know that I had a business trip but you could've just informed me, it's not good to hear from someone else that you got hurt by someone that I trust that will never hurt you. second, how can a girl fresh from breakup be fine? huh?" he asked and flicked my forehead.
"YAH! that hurts!" I whined and caressed my forehead.
"yes, it hurts. it really hurts. that's what you feel right now." he says, leaning back on the sofa, crossing his arms as he does, "you're experiencing heartbreak because of my bestfriend. I would have beaten him up in no time, but I'm not the type that beats people up." he says.
"jeez. either way you don't have to do anything." I stated and took a spoonful of cookies & cream before shoving it in my mouth.
his eyes darkens as he glares at me. he shook his after rolling his eyes and looked at his phone, "I don't know what to do with you." he said and started scrolling on his phone. I chuckled softly and just ate my ice-cream. Chanhee's my brother, and he cares for me a lot. we became independent in a young age despite our family being rich. we wanted to experience the life where you needed to put great efforts to survive, and we did so.
he supported me when no one does, he takes care of me and I am forever thankful for that. I know he would react like this because his sister had her heart broken by one of his trusted friends, but truly he doesn't have to do anything. because, I can manage.
"oh, and, Nahi, Jacob told me that you can still keep your spot in the café; you should be thankful despite you being absent he still wants to keep you---"
