♡ ¹⁷ years ♡ - jotakak

fifteen

(this chapter is a short diary entry for what's to come.)

May 17th, 1994.

It's another one of those days, working and such.

 I have to pick up Jolyne from the daycare once more. 

Studying marine biology has become as hard as hell. I have to write a thesis on a starfish. Just hope I don't mess anything up. 

That's all I want. 

A safe environment for me and my family.

 Lately, my wife and I have been getting distant. We only talk when needed. 

It's alright, I guess. 

Sometimes, I feel like there's something wrong with me.

 I sometimes stop in the middle of my work, spacing out. It feels like a part of me is completely missing.

 I feel empty.

 The only thing that makes me smile nowadays is my daughter, Jolyne. Seeing her happy smile makes me feel content as a father.

 I wish I'd have been better, though.

 Has it really been five years? Five years after I became all alone.

 Wishing I were dead rather than alive. 

All those drunk nights where I restlessly cried out in pain.

 All those times I cried alone in my bedroom. 

We only called a few times. 

After that, we slowly forgot all about each other.

 I feel sorry. 

For myself and for him. 

Noriaki Kakyoin. 

My first love. 

That person who I spent so much time with when I was 17.

 I truly miss him. 

I never told my family about him, though.

 It's best if some things are hidden. 

I regret not loving him more. 

Has it really been five years? Five years since he had to leave. 

Time sure flies by fast. I'm only 23.

It hurts, it really does. I just hope he's doing alright. 

Maybe one of these days I can contact him if I have the time.

I miss him..

- Jotaro Kujo