lonely and forgotten[discontined]

*one, two, three fucked up bitches*

S h i n s o  P o v :

I just nodded and layed back into my pillow knowing there is no way I can fight this. I have to suck it up like I did before. The first time it hurt a lot. It was bad. "This will hurt a bit, but it will be over quick. Just swallow when you feel it in your throat." The bitch-- the nutritionist instructed. She motioned for a nurse to come in with the feeding tube tray. I wish I could numb myself. Daydream this whole situation away.

"Shinso were going to start now, stay still okey" she spoke calmly. Probably trying to keep me calm, I just nodded. She started to thread the tube through my nose like a sim-stress would thread a piece of thread thread a sewing needle. I could feel all the same feelings as before. The drowning the seaweed the hurt.

I couldn't breath it felt like rocks were in my throat turning my body into a pond of liquid mush. I felt a sharp poke and burning in my throat so I swallowed. I felt it go down and threaded some more. Finally she placed some tape on my cheek to keep the tube in place. It burned and hurt. I just felt incapable and useless....

"You did great Shinso. I'm just going to check if it's......--" I cut off her voice and focused on different sounds. The beep of the heart monitor. The chatter and whispers outside the door. The footsteps that occasionally passed. After focusing on the sounds I focused on the smells. I spelt cleaning supplies like bleach, nothing much else. So next I focused on touch. I felt the sticky medical tape on my cheek. The thin breathable scratchy fabric of the sheets. the heavy cast I was in.

I just wanted to die here. I was imprisoned again. The nurse and bitch left and I was there to wallow in self pity. It was in the afternoon around 4:35-ish now. I finished both puzzles so I had nothing to do. I just wanted a distraction. I just wanted something to do, I could sleep. I rolled over and buried my head in the pillow and passed out.

Dream land is always nice.

D a b i  P o v :

Next thing I knew I woke up not in my room and not on the roof. It looked to be the same place Shiggy went when he got shot, and where Toga goes when she accidentally cuts herself with her knifes and needs stitches. I was in the medical room of the league. Fucking Kirogiri man. That dame misty freak! I sat up and noticed he had attached me to a heart moneter and iv. 

That motherfucker and his caring nature! When I fucking find him! I pulled all the wires and tubing out and stood up walking the halls trying to find the bar. After a couple twisty turns and lefts I found it. Shiggy, Toga and Twice where arguing about if they should play animal crossing or among us. I just walked in and said Togas favourite game. "Play animal crossing you baby's" Everyone looked to me. Like they seen a ghost. Fucking idiots. 

I just gave them the finger and tried to walk to my room. Then I heard misty bitch talk to me. "I see your awake Dabi, mind telling me why you where on the roof a bloody mess with a bottle of booze?" He said in a worried but already preoccupied tone. "None of you business you misty mother fucker" I stormed off to my room.

When I got to my room I just layed in my bed. I have no clue how long I've been asleep for or what in the hell happened. All I knew was misty hoe was probably not gonna let me drink for a while and mother fucking baby me. After a while I heard a knock on my door. Probably mother fucking bitchy ass Kirogiri. God I hate him right now. "Dabi may I come in?" I groaned as a reply he could take it how he wanted. He walked in and shut the door.

"Dabi i'm concerned for your mental health and safety" he spoke worriedly like how he dose with the other members. The only people in the league he trusted was Spinner, Compress and most of the time me. "I murder people for a living man how healthy do you think I am?" I asked the most valid question of my time here in a dead or almost dead tone of voice.

"I'm aware of that fact, I'm more concerned about self-harm" he stated. Still laying down facing way from him I answered. "I'm not stupid, I don't do that" we sat like that in silence for a bit. I knew he probably was waiting for me to gush out my fucking feelings and admit to self harming, but like fuck I was going to do that. One of the most well kept secrets of my life, other then my identity. "Dabi its normal to self-harm as a form of escapisum. It okey to ask for help"

Like fuck I would ever you hoe. "I occasionally get drunk and accidentally burn myself. That's it" I stated rolling over to look at him. he accepted my answer an left. Hes so fucking stupid for being a caring bitch. The worst lie I have ever told. And he fell for it. Dame idiot. I miss laying here with him. With Hawks. With my soulmate.

I'll love him but never love again...

(t h e  n e x t  d a y brought to you by my d e p p r e s s i o n)

K a m i n a r i  P o v :

There where twenty minutes left in the last class of the day, then I have to go home. Pretend to be happy well dieing inside. I miss seeing him in the halls. I miss getting text from him late at night and calls. I miss him. I miss Shinso. twirling my pencil in my hand I watched the clock. Time passed quick and the bell rang.

I put on my fake smile and packed up my bag getting ready and preparing myself for the events for the rest of the day. Babysitting my siblings, taking care of mom when she comes home drunk or high or both then work work work. "Denki can I talk to you please" Mr.Aizawa spoke normally but with an undertone of worry. Wonder if he found out where I work or about my mom. Or what happend two weeks and three days ago.

The worst night of my life. "Sure Mr.Aizawa what do you wanna talk about." I acted as much as my old self as I could. It was hard to pretend. I miss being happy. "You've not been acting like yourself lately, is there and issue?" Dame he catches on kinda quick. Do I tell him everything of maybe the thing he knows about but doesn't know I know.

I settled on telling him about Shinso and how I missed him. He was pretty understanding and told me he was okey and in the hospital. He also said he goes to visit him almost everyday if I wanted to come along. I agreed and walked home. I thought about the other events that happened leading up to Shinso jumping. How I was drugs, raped and nearly kidnapped. How I was there to witness him jump and hit the ground.

How when I got home i was shamed and beat, starved and damaged. Then finally how I almost committed my own suicide. Single handdedly the worst day of my life. The most hurtful and damaging. It still hurts to move. I can still see the scars open wounds and bruises. How I still have to cover then with makeup. How I have to lie more and more every day.

How it hurts to be alive

ash here with another chapter about three depressed bitches. dont worry you will get more info and shinkami soon. anyways peace imma sleep.

1362 words