lonely and forgotten[discontined]

*we are damaged, we are survivors*

S h i n s o  P o v :

I woke up the next day with a headache. Not one of those really bad ones but also not one of those really small ones. The kinda ones that make you wanna take an advil and sleep till it goes away. I read the clock on the wall it was 4:26pm, I slept for a long time. Wonder what I missed. I sat up and took one of my finished puzzles and broke it up to re-do it. I choose the cat one because it was the one I did first and I really love cats.

I followed my same plan as before and found the corner pieces, side pieces and the inside pieces. Started to make the border then my therapist walked in. This time they had on a yellow turtle neck, some kind of mens pants held up by black suspenders and a pretty gold necklace. "Afternoon Shinso, you enjoy your nap?" outta the word I learned I just said 'hello' and 'yes'.

They sat down and took out a note pad. I guess they noticed I was doing the same puzzle because then they asked if I would like new puzzles to do. I of course signed yes. A few more minutes passed and they joined me in doing the puzzle. We got the border done after those couple of minutes. "So Shinso, I read through your file again and there are some thing I would like to talk with you about if your comfortable talking about them"

They placed the notepad and pen they had down near the puzzle we were doing. I just nodded signalling I was okey with talking about the subjects on hand. "Okey Shinso I would like to talk about your parents, what do you remember from when you lived with them?" They sounded empathetic and consoling. I took the pen and paper and wrote.

I wrote about the abuse, the rape, the drugs and alcohol. I wrote it all down plain faced and handed it back to them. They read through it all, giving glances to me doing the puzzle. "Okey Shinso, in your file it mentioned drug and alcohol abuse did it start when you lived with your parents?" of course they would go for a cut throat question to set this conversation on the right path. Shoulda learnt from past experiences.

I nodded, I lived with my parents from the time I was born till I was 9. All tho my father only had rights to me from when I was born to when I was three. Some of the most painful experiences of my life happened to me in that house of terrors. They continued to ask questions and I continued to answer well finishing the puzzle. Truly was therapy.

After all the questions about my parents and some of my foster houses that got shut down they told me that I would have my first tube feeding today and that they would be with me well it was happening. They asked if I would like a distraction I of course said yes and then they left. This day of fun and puzzles was about to turn into a day of nightmares and liquid yellow mush. I hated thinking about it. It was wired gross and disgusting. 

Another reason I hated being tube fed. I didn't want to feel like I was drinking something without drinking anything. I hated the sound the pump made and I don't even know how many calories they are giving me to start with. To stop thinking about the eventual tube feeding I thought of him. I thought of my best friend Kaminari. I loved him.

He made me happy when I was sad and always said the right thing. I would cheer him up after he had to deal with his mom. We loved each other. It was like we were soulmates. I want to kiss him and look into his sunflower eyes all day. His eyes were magic with a bit of cloudy weather and his skin was pale like snow. He was so beautiful with his blonde hair. I felt a blush creep onto my face thinking about him. He always made me blush when he was around. 

Wish I knew how he was doing. Wish I could talk to him, he would make this all easier for me. He could join me in a new life when i'm done getting healed. I felt my chest get tight, and my heart race. I don't know why I was calm thinking about Denki. I just focused more on the puzzle and after a few minutes it stopped. Wonder why my body did that.