From Yesterday

E I G H T

PROVEHITO IN ALTUM
10:30 p.m.

We were sitting in the sand, both pondering about what to say.

Actually, I for one waited for the appropriate moment to show him my tattoos. We kept looking at each other, trying to determine who of us was the master of making silly faces. Jared won, easily. I laughed my ass off every bloody time he put on a new face. Each one funnier, weirder and definitely more bizarre than the last. When I finally lost my control over my breathing, I had to ask him to stop.

- Hey! I'm the weird guy. How are you feeling? - he inquired nudging my shoulder.

Until a mere moment ago, I thought I had woken the whole camp by laughing so loudly, and now he was asking me how I felt, as if it wasn't obvious.

He must have read the confusion on my face, for that was all it took for him to explain his question.

- I won't stop asking, until you convince me that you're having the best time of your life. -

I lowered my head, chuckling to myself, thinking;

Vilken guldhjärtad dåre... Åh, Gud vad jag älskar honom. Och åh, Härren min, hur jag kommer att sakna han. (What a gold hearted fool... Oh God, how I love him. And oh, my Lord, how I'm gonna miss him.)

I knew one thing for sure. I would convince him alright! So, I began pulling off my wristbands, revealing the temporary print of his fingers on my flesh. Then, I proceeded to peel off the bandages off of my brand new tattoos. He was about to hear a story that would hopefully convince him, for life. But ever before I had the chance to start telling it, he took my right arm hastily, but still extremely carefully into his hands, gasping at the sight of the scarlet bruise. Much like I had done upon first discovering it, he ran he's thumb over the sensitive area of battered skin, gulping and making a unpalatable grimace. Noticing himself, he drew his hands back, as if they were some sort of a sharp blade that would only hurt or injure me further. He looked at his fingers in disbelief and an emotional expression, best described as disgust. He turned his head away, not even daring to look my way, making perceptible fists of his hands, squeezing so hard his knuckles turned white. He clenched his jaw, then let his head fall in between his knees, covering it with his arms.

I was literally speechless. If I had known that he'd react this way, I'd never have taken the wristbands off. I only did, because my arm had started itching. I understood that he was clearly upset that he'd caused me even a little bit of moderate pain. He sighed, raggedly and whispered lowly:

- I really did have a number on you earlier, didn't I? -

- Yes, but— - I tried to cut in, but he snapped his head up, staring me in the eyes, into my soul, his blue jewels shining, even in the darkness of the night. A million emotions was on display in them, none so powerful like an overwhelming penance. He seemed so broken, but I knew from experience that on occasion, broken things are the most beautiful. He collected himself, shushing his nerves.

- There is no but. There are like over a million words in the English language and yet; not a single combination of them can express my urge to beg you for your forgiveness. Neither can they convey the gravity of just how sorry I am. -

- Jared, stop it. Stop beating yourself up. Especially for saving my life. If you must blame yourself for something, then it should be not letting me get to my point. And just so you know, even if you felt like your words couldn't express everything, your eyes did.

Now, I'd like to answer your previous question. I am, and have been, having the absolute best fucking day of my life, today. It has been tiresome, very funny and amusing, exciting, embarrassing, amazing, sad, full of passion, pain, happiness, danger, memories, music, a load of craziness and of course: You and Shannon; Mars. This day has been the first day of my life that I actually lived and didn't just survive.

All that, my friend, is as close as it gets to living like a dream, if you're interested in my opinion, and I have You to thank for helping me living and enjoying it in the best way possible. Every second of it was worth more than all the money to be found on this planet. Priceless, I'd say, but then it did have a price. A great one at that, I must comment, but it has been worth every last one of my pennies. So, instead of having an emotional breakdown would you please take a look at my tattoos and tell me I didn't endure all that pain for nothing! For God's sake... - I finished my monologue, looking calmly at Jared, who was searching for words, not having much luck finding any. At least he smiled. Thank goodness.

- Wow... that's... that's... - he fumbled, stuttering, but then he caught sight of my tats. His jaw dropped wide open. A red and black Triad adorned my left wrist with the 30 Seconds To Mars glyphs below it, that was enclosed by two lines, with the initials JL and SL in the middle. As for my right shoulder, it read PROVEHITO IN ALTUM, just like his.

If anything is ever evident, it is when Jared Joseph Leto cannot contain a sudden burst of absolute glee. He actually jumped to his feet, starting to shout and laugh in his utter, pure surprise and excitement.

- OH WOW! I DID NOT EXPECT THAT! THAT'S BEAUTIFUL, BUT TELL ME WHY YOU CHOSE THESE INKS IN PARTICULAR! - he screamed, like he'd gone nuts. I stood up too, to be at eye level (more or less...) with him when I answered.

- Well, the Triad is mostly to remind me of this wonderful time I've had here on Mars Island with the legendary Leto brothers. It's a tribute to Mars, but especially to you, and you must know that. And the other one is because if I could choose, I would always live my every day like I lived this day. With no regrets, following my heart and my dreams, never letting anyone stop me from turning them into reality, always reaching for the heights and sometimes launching forth into the deep. Preferably, doing that last one thing mentioned metaphorically, only. Plus, I thought it'd be hilarious if we'd be tattoo twins... - I concluded. He listened, clinging to every one of my words, as if his life depended on it. But despite having had gotten his explanations, he simply would not calm down. He went on and on about how much he was touched and just how much he loved it...

So, I did what I felt like doing, for the moment, and pushed him right into the water, where he landed on his back, having had lost his balance, with a noisy splash.

- PROVEHITO IN ALTUM, - I screamed, then jumped right after him, landing face front into the salty waves. As I came up from amongst them, Jared splashed me in the face, directly.

After the first shock of being pushed, he relaxed, floating atop the chilly blackness that surrounded us, tittering wildly at such an interesting outcome of this conversation. Eventually, he just couldn't help himself:

- What was that for? Are you mentally deficient? I mean, not that I don't enjoy the perks of a soothing late night swim, but fully clothed and furthermore; unprepared? Have I driven you to insanity? - he demanded, jokingly.

- Ah, it was just for fun, and to really convince you that I am indeed having the best time of my life. By the way; I am not insane. I'm voluntarily indifferent to conventional rationality - I quoted, grinning whilst we both swam ashore.

- Which idiot d'ya hear that bullshit from? - he winked, pretending to think really hard.

- Oh, just some guy I used to look up to, who is literally standing two meters away from me, right now... - I shrugged nonchalantly, but caught both myself and Jared cracking up in a smile.

***

As much as I wanted that moment to last forever, it didn't. Soon, we were standing dripping wet, sandy and shivering in front of my tent, yet again, telling each other to have a good night. Although, I had a feeling that this was not the last time I was gonna see him and I also had a suspicion that neither of us would be able to sleep much that night.

To be continued...