tw; self-harm!
the blade felt cold against his skin. he needed to know he still felt. he needed to know he was still alive and not dreaming.
he had to know.
nothing apart from the pain felt real to him. everything had been a haze for so long and he felt like maybe he was sleepwalking. nightmare or dream, he didn't really know.
he pushed the blade against his skin, gentle and careful at first.
the feeling felt almost home-like. it was so familiar to him after all these years.
there was a reason for the pain beginning. he tried so hard to forget it and kill it but he couldn't, so he just silently suffered.
he watched his best friend drift in and out of relationships. he was happy for him every time he told him about a new partner.
he wished he could give him something more than hurt and sadness. even if his friend didn't say anything, he knew how he felt. he didn't have to be told.
all he had to give was nothing. what he had had was long gone, even though he wished it wasn't.
he wanted his best friend to know how much he needed him. how much he yearned for him, to be near him, to be hugged and touched and told it was all going to be okay, even if the last part would be a lie.
time couldn't be turned back and he couldn't be saved. the mistakes of others had already happened and he was still suffering the consequences.
he wished things were different. so much more different.
maybe if he wasn't so stupid they would be. he just wanted to start again, but instead he sat in his shower, bleeding from his wrists and head heavy with thoughts of his blue-haired best friend.
a/n; this chapter is inspired by the song 'hurt' by nine inch nails
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oneshots // joshler
Fanfictionjoshler oneshots that i write whenever i have an idea that's not long enough for its own book // i take requests, too, so feel free to send 'em my way
