arachnophobia || feitan portor

brain vs heart - 17

a/n: things are heating up ;) ; this chapter does include some biting/choking. there's no smut...yet ; also some blood and slight gore (bullet wounds and such)

also, i don't know if this was stated previously, but feitan is rumored to be around 28 years old, for this story he's in his twenties just like the reader.

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The barely visible sun had already sunk below the horizon as storm clouds still flooded the sky. With the moon trying its best to shine through the thick clouds, it seemed eerily dark outside.

Rain hit against the windows of the room upstairs above the bar as you ate in silence save for the few crunching noises that came every time Feitan took a bite of his pizza.

Roky had suggested it be best if the two of you hide out above the bar for a bit while he took care of the mess back at your apartment. You'd ordered and paid for some food and now you were here.

"You confuse...me." Feitan broke the silence having finished his pizza. You turned and looked at him, tilting your head in confusion.

"What's that supposed to mean?" You ask, worried about what he was going to say next.

"You act...like you hate me...all the time. But you also...care for me." Feitan pointed out. You bit the inside of your cheek and turned away.

He'd called your bluff, though you'd made it pretty obvious. You did have mixed feelings. When you let your brain lead, you were furious at him, you wanted absolutely nothing to do with the spider.

But letting your heart lead, it took you straight back to him and you had no choice but to care about him.

There was always some confusion when it came to deciding on which gets to lead, but whenever you stopped to think on it, whichever seemed rational always seemed to take the lead, leaving you no choice.

"It's hard to explain and I highly doubt you'd understand." You shake your head, trying to avoid answering the question upfront.

"Do you...not think I'm...experienced?" Feitan asks, causing your eyes to go wide.

So much for getting out of it.

"You've experienced conflicting feelings when it comes to love?" You whip around and suddenly you feel like you're at a slumber party, gossiping about the cute new transfer student over the suffocating smell of nail polish and hairspray.

"One...could say that." Feitan got comfortable on the bed, staring down at you on the floor. He glanced at the empty spot, inviting you to come sit with him. YOu sighed and got up off the floor, joining him on the bed.

You crossed your legs and stared at the floor.

"It's a bit of a brain vs. heart thing. My brain wants me to think rationally and leave you behind, knowing there's only suffering and pain the more I stay around you." You begin. The words definitely affect Feitan. He wouldn't say being around himself is full of suffering. He'd prefer to say he deals a lot of suffering, not necessarily that he emits suffering.

"But...your heart." Feitan starts up your next sentence for you.

"But my heart. It wants me to stay. Stay with you, and fight alongside you. I've somehow made some sort of cursed connection with you and now whenever I see you hurt, I just kick into this emotional overdrive." You finish, feeling a mysterious weight dissipate from off your shoulders.

"Don't...they always tell you...to follow...your heart?" Feitan questions, wondering why someone as smart as you wouldn't just do what everyone else seemed to do.