for you page × chensung

six

[ sometimes love is silent ]

Sweat trickled down the curve of his spine, and he tossed his soaked shirt to the floor. He barely managed to keep his composure during his Saturday class with the cacophony of hateful thoughts spitting vulgar words at him. He almost cried when he saw Chenle in the doorframe, coming to get his little brother, but the promise of seeing each other the next weekend kept him sane. In the short time they've known each other, Chenle became Jisung's haven. Jisung confided in him in a way he'd only shown his brother, and his feelings were more profound than lust now. Chenle's domestic ideas, the ice cream dates, cliche Valentine's candy, it all appealed to Jisung. 

He wanted to hold Chenle's hand while they ran through Seoul to catch the train to their apartment. He wanted the gentle forehead kisses as sleepy good mornings and the matching coffee mugs. Domesticity wasn't the trap Jisung thought, it was stability, and God knows he needed that.

His phone slapped against the wooden floor, and he rushed to set it back up. One week without posting and his fans were already creating theories about his disappearance. The funniest theory involved Chenle, Renjun, and a bucket of kittens. The truth was gloomier, so Jisung didn't comment on his hiatus. He'd sooner his followers think he was lured into death by kittens than shoved into depression by his mother's words. The timer clicked down to one, and the short music clip began. 'La Di Da' by Everglow was the week's most frequent request, and he mustered up all the mental energy he could to blow through the chorus and appease his fans. 

Chenle hadn't posted since their makeup collab, just like Jisung, and it further proved the idea of a relationship between them. Sure, Chenle kissed him, and sure, Jisung thought about doing it again every night in his dreams, but they weren't dating. They danced around each other in a risky game of flirty winks and touches, tiptoeing the line of desire and affection.   

The recording ended, and Jisung flopped on the studio couch. His naked torso stuck to the faux leather, and he sat up with a nasty peeling sound. His dancing was sloppy, as expected. An artist's work is a direct reflection of their emotions, and his sad tutting didn't match the badass vibe he intended. He hoped his abs would distract from his dancing and Chenle's pretty face peeping through the doorway. Which, speaking of Chenle, what was he doing at the studio? Jisung drafted the video and walked to the lobby, leaving his shirt discarded on the floor. Chenle was spinning in Ten's rolly chair, feet kicking at the metal legs of the front desk. Shiny butterfly pins were clipped randomly in his hair (a product of Renjun, probably.) 

"What are you doing?" Jisung tsked, pinching the bridge of his nose like a disappointed teacher. Chenle stopped spinning and grabbed the strings of Jisung's sweatpants, tugging him closer. 

"I wanted to make sure you were okay. You haven't texted me back." 

Jisung plopped onto Chenle's lap, back against Chenle's chest, and smiled teasingly. "You saw me like an hour ago, dumbnut." 

Chenle smacked Jisung's tummy. "That's different, and you know it, Park Jisung. It's easy to trick kids, but it's a little harder to trick your future boyfriend." 

"Damn, good thing my future boyfriend isn't here, or I'd be struggling." 

"Ha. Ha. You're so funny," Chenle retorted, voice leaking with sarcasm. "Really though, I know seeing your mom fucked you up. It's fine if you don't want to talk about it. I understand."

Jisung cleared the desktop of Ten's doodles and sat, feet resting on Chenle's thighs. His skin was red from Jisung's butt, and he noticed with a belated gasp that Chenle was wearing shorts. The small cloth covering his body didn't classify as shorts at all, more like a glorified pair of black underwear. It was cute, paired with a basketball jersey for an American team Jisung didn't know. 

He cleared his throat and averted his sights to a stack of paperwork about the kids outfit sizes. "It's not that I don't want to talk about it." He began timidly. "There's nothing to say. She doesn't want me." He tried to sound nonchalant, but his wobbling voice and shimmering eyes betrayed him. "She gave me away and moved on. It makes me feel worthless, honestly. When I was younger, we used to recycle, and every day, she would sort the trash. Glass in the blue bin, paper in the green. She treated garbage better than me." Chenle patted his calf reassuringly, and he blinked the tears away. 

"At least the recyclables got another chance. I was given up on before I was old enough to prove myself. I'm proud of her for becoming the person she wanted to be, but why did she have to do it without me? Was I a burden? And why did she have another kid when she couldn't handle me. If she was ready to be a mom, she should have found me. I'm her son! She didn't need another one!" 

His phone dinged in his pocket, and he dug to find the device, accidentally kicking at Chenle's groin. The notification was a text message, which had to be from Jaemin, seeing as Jisung had everyone but him and Chenle muted. 

banana: JISUNG JISUNG HOLY SHI TJISUDUN
banana: JENO PROPOSED HE PROPOSED JISUNG ANSWER MEEEEEEE. I'M FRREAKING OUT.

"And now Jaemin's engaged," Jisung scoffed and threw his phone into Chenle's lap. Chenle scanned over the messages and cocked his head. 

"Isn't that a good thing? I thought you liked Jeno?" 

"I do like Jeno, but do you know what marriage is, Chenle? It means Jaemin is going to move out, and they'll have kids and leave me. Jaemin will leave me." Jisung mumbled dejectedly. "I knew I couldn't stay with him forever, but I can't lose him. He's all I have left." 

Chenle stood up and patted Jisung's head. "He won't leave you, Sung. Jaemin is your brother. Who's to say he can't be Jeno's fiance and your brother? I know you're scared, but don't be selfish. You should talk to Jaemin when you go home, okay?" Chenle glanced out of the window and sighed. "I need to go. Tell him, Ji. Promise?" 

Chenle held out his pinkie with a childish giggle. Jisung interlocked their pinkies and kissed the back of Chenle's hand in a silent parting. 

"Until we meet again, sunshine!" Chenle called, and the door shut behind him. Jisung watched him leave with a fond smile. Even if he lost Jaemin, he would still have Chenle, and that thought put his rampaging heart at ease.