Grave Misunderstandings. [ZaDr/TaGr] (Invader ZiM AU) (wip)

It's A Dead Man's Party

"...fainted, definitely fainted. ...that's a thing that humans do, correct?"
"Yes, all is correct again. But..what is a 'moose'?"
Dib's eyes slowly blinked open to the muffled sounds of conversation and music.
"Ah, he's still breathin'!" A third voice called out, putting Dib into focus.
"Wuhuh..?" Dib mumbled.
The thing from before popped up right above Dib's face and directly into vision. "Good evening..!" It giggled, "It really is such a good evening..."
Dib took a beat to process. Then he screamed.
"Lookat that! He's confused!" A new voice laughed from another part of the room. "Still not the worst response I've seen here!"
Dib, who had been previously lying down, began to sit up. Once he was no longer staring at the ceiling, he found himself in a fairly brightly lit, colorful room with fun conversations and jazzy music, face to face with the unnatural creature.
And skeletons.
And zombies.
And bugs.
"Wh-what the h—" his hands went to his mouth and he stood up, accidentally knocking back the pool table he had been laying on. "H-heeeck..." He tried to get away, but got blocked by another rotting cadaver.
"Going so soon?" It laughed, flipping out a--still in great condition, actually--large knife to point at Dib. Dib screeched.
"Don't do that--you'll scare him away..!" the first one smacked it's arm (the one holding the knife) off. "You're mindless, Johnathan."
"I sure am, what's your point?" It pointed to a large hole in its skull. "...and don't call me Johnathan." It walked away.
Dib slowly tried to sneak by behind it until stopped by the first voice: "Oh! Darling! Welcome!" He froze, fearing he might not be able to find a way out.
"Darling..?"
"ZiM apologizes if he came on too strong...I know we were just just married, but I'm just so excited to the point where my organ might just start working once more..!" It laughed, hugging Dib. Dib didn't process much of what it said, except for one thing.
"Just married".
Just married. Dib is married... to a dead thing.
Well. At least he was married first.
...
Gaz!
"U-um...y-yes, as am I, but I really need to get home... right now..." Dib tried pulling himself away from the decomposing one, but was held there surprisingly well.
"But... you are home..!" It stepped back, sweetly smiling at Dib. "This is where I live... well, not live, but. You get it."
"Yes, I do get it, which is why I must leave." Dib didn't want to hurt the monster's feelings, but at the same time, he was unsure if it really had any.
Although, it frowned once Dib uttered those disappointing words. "But... it's a bit difficult to leave. Besides..! I want to get to know my husband." It stared at Dib.
Dib's stomach got a bit more spiked inside, feeling more like he would lose his dinner. "Husband..." the thing took Dib's hands.
"In the forest," it spun with him. "you recited everything so perfectly... makes sense..! I'd only get the best..." it giggled again. "We still need a celebration..!"
"No, we really don't..!" Dib let go of its hands, resulting in him being flung back atop a bar table, grunting. The skeleton sitting in the barstool closest to him looked over.
"Oh, hell-o there!"
Dib gasped, swiftly rolling over--knocking into another corpse with an axe in its side. It didn't seem to notice Dib.
"LOOK AT THIS!" it screamed at the one with the hole in its head. "YOU DID THIS TO ME!" it pointed at itself, holding up a severed middle finger. Dib saw the opportunity, grasping the handle of the axe and pulling it out. "Ah, thanks, man." Dib shrugged, swinging the axe once. Suddenly, all the music and chatter in the room ceased. All eyes and sockets were on Dib.
"I HAVE AN AXE!" He squeaked. "N-now! Now that I have your attention...I-I need questions!"
"Answers," the corpse beside him muttered.
"I need answers!" Dib nervously cleared his throat as he produced the only heat in the room that wasn't from a candle. "H-how did I get here? Where am I? What... who are you?!"
There were a few snickers around the crowd. The skeleton to his other side lowered Dib's arms. "Hey kid, y' should know--that ain't gonna do crap for ya." It took the axe, slamming it back into the corpse it was in (who replied with a cry of "DAMN IT!").
"Ookaay... I may not have an axe now...but! I still need answers..!" Dib's breathing gradually grew heavier, his limbs shaking.
"Well... as you know..." the first creature held up a skeletal hand with a ripped black (might have been a dark navy, but the lighting was playing with the color) glove with only three fingers intact, showing Dib's sister's ring on it's exposed boney ring finger. "I'm your husband."
Dib felt rage from this response building up inside. There were plenty of things Dib could have responded with, but what came out was: "But...I'm a man."
It suddenly frowned, dropping it's arm.
"You big-headed thick skull," Dib heard a scratchy voice right behind his ear, flipping around to face another skeleton. "This is how skin gets in the way of things..!" It sighed, dragging its hands down its skull, causing it to go 360. "Any creature--living or dead, good or bad, male or female--would be honored to have him! Look at him!"
Dib's husband's smile returned just slightly.
The skeleton went on. "He's small, but powerful; he used to have the most treasures in the land (including a large supply of sugar); and..!" It slid over the bar table, taking the thing's hand and kissing the back of it. "...he is absolutely gorgeous."
It giggled once again, a spider crawling and jumping out of its hair.
"And his story?" The skeleton looked back at Dib, leaving its hand in the dead boy's hand. Quite literally, as it just snapped it off for him. It used its other hand to point at Dib. "You should be excited that you have given him a happy ending." The room put all its attention onto the skeleton, itching to hear the tragedy be told again. "You see, long ago, he was to be married--also to a man. However, at that time, he was to be disguised as a woman. An easy pass, too--look at him! While he enjoyed the outfits, he wanted to be as he wanted with this man he ended up loving. So, he made a deal with the man: as long as he brought all his wealth and met him in the forest, the two would run away and he wouldn't have to hide himself."
The dead boy covered his empty ear holes with his broken hands, looking away. While he loved having attention, he didn't love the story.
"He did arrive as requested, money on his person. He waited for the man by a twisted, overgrown tree as not to be seen. He waited there. And waited. He waited for way too long, until he heard the sound of shoes crunching against the dead leaves and dark grass... his heart beat for his freedom, until... it stopped. A large, stone-like object plunging into his upper back." ... "When he finally awoke, he stood there inside the twisted tree; alone, moneyless, dead. Right then and there he made a promise to himself: he'd wait for however long it took for a new spouse to arrive and bring him joy. And, you, breathing big-head boy--" Dib's hands patted around his head. "--are he!"