Under The Waves

Chapter 7

I pushed through the overwhelming crowded and started to shout "Mother!" "Alice!"

It was no use I couldn't find them at all so I decided to quickly get back to the task I was set to do before. Find Benjamin. As I jogged through the halls I noticed that the ship felt to be on a slight angle but I ignored it. When I reached Benjamins stateroom, I knocked on the closed door rapidly. Few people passed me as I waited for an answer. Nothing. Not a sound. Now I knew the fear was there. Tillie started to cry loudly so I rocked her lovingly. I sang a well-known lullaby to her in a tender tone still standing stranded in the empty hallway.

"Hush, hush, time to be sleeping, hush, hush, dreams come a-creeping, dreams of peace and of freedom, so smile in your sleep, bonny baby."

She looked to be asleep once I had finished the song. I walked back out onto the noisy deck in hopes of finding my family. I was absolutely shocked when I saw men pulling lifeboats from the deck.

They were pulling them onto the ships edge and preparing them for people to get on. This odd measure was then followed by the shouts "women and children!" I saw one brave woman go onto the lifeboat. She looked like a third class passenger who was travelling alone. As I watched more women board and some bring children I noticed them saying goodbye to their husbands. I heard one man assure his wife and children that he would join them soon. That didn't stop the flowing tears of the lonely and scared woman. I didn't understand why they were getting on lifeboats and why they had to leave the men behind. 

I noticed more and more women board until it was a crowd around each lifeboat. I didn't even consider getting on the lifeboat at all, I just stood there observing. More tears. More waves goodbye. 

Eventually one lifeboat became full and they dropped it in the water. I couldn't believe my eyes. What was happening? I ran back through the halls and down the lower levels. Looking for something. Something I wasn't certain of. I passed a few men who told me to go on deck but I completely ignored them. I ran further and further until I reached something. I stopped instantly and looked down at my feet. Down at my shoes drenched in water.

"Are we sinking?" I yelled very loud, not talking to anyone in particular.

After I processed this question, I immediately shut the thought down remembering that I am on board the safest vessel in the world. This ship is unsinkable! It's impossible! I attempted to convince myself of what should be a relieving truth. No matter how much I tried to push it out, the idea of us sinking never left my mind. I looked down at my baby sister sleeping in my arms. Her beautiful green eyes opened wide during my stare and she looked at me curiously. Tears filled my eyes as her hands reach out to touch my face. I hugged her for a moment before going back on deck to find something to prove my theory wrong. It was so much worse then 20 minutes ago! The crying was louder, the crowd was bigger and the shouts were angrier. The words "women and children" filled my hearing and I found it hard to think of anything else. People pushed past making me move step by step closer to the chaos. First class women boarded lifeboats with the most clueless faces. They acted as though they were being forced onto the lifeboats for no reason. The thought of getting into the safety of one too crossed my mind. I didn't know whether I should or not. "Should I?" I kept asking myself. After debating the idea for several minutes I shook my head and walked across the deck in search for someone.

I looked for father and Nathan. I looked for Benjamin and William. I looked for Alice and mother. I looked for Grace and Louis. I searched for what felt like hours but what was more likely minutes. No luck came. As I shoved through the pushy crowd I noticed an opening. I rushed into the rare empty spot and took this chance to get on my tippy-toes to get a better view. With once again no one I knew in sight I slowly went back to a normal standing position. I looked forward to see a tall, middle-aged man walking towards me. I thought his dark brown eyes were looking at me at first but I realised they weren't. Instead they were looking down at the baby in my arms. Next thing I knew my arms were empty and all I could hear was the heartbreaking cry of little Tillie.

It was too late by the time I turned around, Tillie's cries were shortly overthrown by the loud mob of people. My whole body became empty and I burst into tears. I stood there crying with no thoughts until dreadful words entered my mind.

"Its all your fault!" I spoke aloud. "You should have held her tighter!" I screamed louder this time.

I looked up through my teary eyes to see no one paying attention. I saw many, many people but no one cared. No one even looked at me. I cried many more tears for a little bit longer until the tears stopped. I stood there emotionless, eyes closed. After many minutes I managed to pull myself together. I took deep breaths and sadly walked along the deck. I knew there was no luck in seeing Tillie again but I still decided to keep hope of finding her later. I walked on. More women and children boarded lifeboats. Still many women refused to get on one. They didn't want to leave husbands, fathers, brothers and friends and some like me still needed to find someone or something. I felt a strong grab on my wrist and I looked up to see a man trying to pull me into a lifeboat. My foot had already stepped in by the time I could react. I tugged out of their grip and quickly backed away before I went in any further. I can't leave my family and the Clarks!

The man looked at me and I yelled at him "NO!"

I ran away fast from the careless man who thought he could force me into a lifeboat. Luckily I didn't have to run very far as no one had time to catch me. They were too busy loading other women who willingly boarded the small boats. I resumed my walk through the swarm of people till I knew I had done a loop of the ship. I would never give up so I just sat down on a sun chair and rested for a moment. Without the distraction of my tiresome walk everything flooded in. The thoughts of all that has happened and the sounds and sights around me. It all just collided into my head and I found myself more then overwhelmed. I put my face in my hands and just let all the sounds, the smells, all my senses take it in. I noticed the distant hum of instruments. I couldn't believe the band had kept playing through all this. I suppose they are meant to calm the passengers. While I was trying to make out the beats of the song over the crowd, I heard something. I had my eyes closed but my eyes were still blinded by the light, like when someone turns on a light while your sleeping and you duck under the covers. I didn't duck. I opened my eyes and looked up. It was a loud crackling and popping sound. Others might assume it was a firework but I knew for certain, it was a distress rocket. After a few moments I stood back up and travelled on.

I saw that many of the lifeboats had gone but some remained. Half empty. Even with less lifeboats the deck was still cluttered with countless passengers. I heard a familiar voice. I instantly looked up to see father standing in front of a lifeboat. I was so overjoyed! I didn't care about anything that had happened between us, I had no one except him, so I needed him! I paid closer attention to his actions and saw him arguing loudly with one of the men loading the lifeboats. He clearly wanted to get on it but the man wouldn't let him. Father took a step closer to him and became more angry. With this I watched as the man pulled out a gun and aimed it at him. Everyone including father took a step back. My mouth dropped and I was petrified! I wanted to run up and help him but my legs wouldn't move. I just watched as my father got threatened and yelled at. The man told him to go away and let him board women and children. Father turned towards me and just looked at the ground. When I saw his expression I couldn't help but cry. He looked absolutely broken and all I could do was stand there and look at his devastated eyes. The look on his face made it obvious that he thought he was going to die on this ship. I cried more and attempted to scream his name to tell him I am here but nothing but a whisper came out. I tried to yell again which this time sounded louder but he still couldn't hear me. Then father turned around and walked up to the man with the gun. He grabbed the gun right out of his hands and pulled it to his head. He looked out onto the bright stars shining in the sky. Then all I could hear was the sound of a gun shot and the thud as a body fell to the ground.

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