Under The Waves

Chapter 10

It made sense now, why Issac spoke to her stomach. He was saying goodbye to his baby. Rose turned towards me and her expression became very serious.

"What if my baby died through all this?" She fretted.

I shook my head and whispered "it's all going to be alright!"

I pulled her into a hug and she eventually fell asleep in my arms. I rocked Lena while I wondered if Rose believed Issac was still alive. "Was he?" I thought to myself. I thought of Benjamin and the possibility of his death came to mind. I let a tear roll down my cheek before instantly wiping it away. I knew he had to be alive. I needed him to be alive.

"Clara" the voice forced me to look up from Lena.

I couldn't believe my eyes, there she was. Mother was standing with Alice wrapped in blankets on the other side of deck. I stood up and gave the baby to the now awake Rose.

"Mother" I screamed as I ran towards her.

I wrapped my arms around her and gave her a very tight squeeze. Tears threatened to spill and I gave in. I cried into her shoulder, some tears were from happiness but most from sadness. All I could think about was her. Mother was safe. That's all I cared about in that moment. We hugged for a very long time until she pulled my face to hers and kissed me on the forehead.

"You are safe" she kept repeating as tears dripped down her face.

I then gave Alice a big hug as I was too very happy she was safe. After continuously hugging mother and Alice, Rose came over with Lena. When I realised her arrival I instantly introduced her. "Mother, Alice this is Rose and her baby, Lena." Mother gave Rose a hug.

"Thank you for looking after my baby" she said with tears still making her voice croaky.

"It was more Clara looking after me" Rose said looking at me.

I formed a soft smile.

Mother turned to me and asked "where is Tillie?"

My smile disappeared and a frown took over. I shook my head and mother cried into Alice's chest. Everyone had tears but mother took this news the hardest. Tillie is mothers child, how could I do this to her? How could I lose her baby? How could I take away my sister from her? I am a monster.

30 minutes had passed on board the Carpathia. We had claimed a bench out on deck and watched as more and more people boarded the small ship. We hoped that at some point it would be our loved ones climbing up that rope into safety. Mother seemed to not blame me for losing her baby. Though I never told her more about her then the simple shake of a head. I drank more broth, worried more and more about my family and comforted the family I had with me. I had only met Rose a few hours ago but it felt like I could trust her with my life. In a way, I guess I already had trusted her with my life and she had trusted me with hers. Mother found a hairbrush provided by one of the passengers on board the Carpathia and she brushed my very knotted hair gently, making sure not to hurt me. Rose grew more and more scared for the life of her unborn child but I tried my hardest to comfort her. Alice also was very worried for the safety of her two children and husband. I too was concerned for their safety. I missed my brothers. I missed their silly jokes and crazy mischief. Sometimes the likely hood of their death overwhelmed me and I found myself crying very much. I would rock Lena to try and cure my guilt for Tillie but it only made it worse. I wondered how to escape this constant feeling. So much had happened and I found it hard to cope. I knew I wouldn't be able to tell mother about the death of father. I also knew telling Alice about the death of Grace would also be impossible. So I sat with the women who didn't suspect me knowing anything, hoping they would never ask me about them. The anxiety of everything would take over, I just didn't know when.

To help put my mind at ease I cued up for another bowl of broth. This would make the third bowl I would have had on board this mysterious ship. As I looked at the people around me, I realised the need for this food. Everyone was still freezing on the inside from the unbearable lifeboats and the piercing Titanic. I too still felt shivers through my body. Sitting in that lifeboat as I passed hundreds of frozen bodies glued itself to my mind. I haven't slept in about two days. I can't, otherwise I know the horrors of the titanic and lifeboat will haunt me. They will invade my dreams and turn them into nothing other than nightmares. I won't sleep until my family is safe. But will they ever be safe with me or will they stay lost, only to be found in my memories? I can't let this be, I have to find them. Or they have to find me.

"Miss, are you ok?" I looked up to woman holding a spoon of broth out to me.

Without even realising I had moved to the front of the line and was expected to put my bowl out.

"Oh dear! My apologies!" I blurted and moved my bowl under the spoon.

I thanked the woman and walked off with my hot food. The broth instantly warmed my body and it was a glorious sensation. I was still wrapped up in the warm blankets and changed my clothes. Many of the passengers on board the Carpathia offered their clothes and other necessities. The clothes offered to me by a young woman were much warmer than my previous clothes. The clothes I wore during the sinking were wet and stained with obnoxious memories. Everything reminded me of that terrifying experience and I thought I would never be able to escape it.

I wedged in between mother and Rose. While I slowly sipped the broth, I watched as Rose fed her cold baby the broth. Lena seemed to hate it but Rose forced her to drink it. Otherwise she will starve or freeze so she had to have it. I knew that if Tillie was here, she too would hate it. I fixed my eyes on its usual spot where new found survivors would arrive to. Currently there were no lifeboats being brought in. I knew more would arrive soon, 11 out of 20 lifeboats had boarded the Titanic. The rest were being searched for thoroughly. Minutes had passed with my eyes never leaving the spot. I decided to get another bowl of broth even though I wasn't hungry. After receiving the broth and starting to walk back to the bench, I was stopped. I watched as a familiar man climbed up the ladder and made his way onto deck. The darkness made it difficult to look clearly but as I squinted hard enough I saw who it was.

"BENJAMIN" I screamed.

My hands went floppy and I dropped my bowl on the ground. I ran so fast I thought I'd trip over my own feet. When I reached him, my arms flung around his neck and my head landed on his shoulder. I swore then and there that I would never let go. Ever. Tears bursted through my eyes, wetting his already damp shirt. I felt as Alice hugged as both and mother stood to the side, filled with tears. I broke our hug as a bump in his coat appeared. I gently unzipped his garment and there sitting in the warmth of Benjamins clothes, sat my baby sister Tillie. 

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