Tear Myself Apart // Billie Eilish

Chapter 7

CAMILLA'S P.O.V

I face-planted my bed, my throat burning as I desperately tried not to cry. It was hard to believe that just a few days ago she was promising she'd be back. Just a few weeks ago, she was begging me not to forget her. She was sliding a promise ring on my finger. One that, even after she broke up with me, I didn't want to take off. I loved her so much. It felt like it could work, but I guess not.

I should've gone back. Maybe I should've gone back. Would she want to be with me still? What if she was just saying it was because of the distance as to not hurt my feelings? Maybe she just genuinely didn't like me anymore. What changed since I'd moved there besides the fact that I'd moved?

I knew I'd been gaining a little bit of weight since I'd actually been eating normal food on a normal basis, but I didn't think it was noticeable. And Billie didn't generally care about stuff like that. Maybe it was because I moved. It was so annoying. I just didn't know. I needed to be back in California.

I thought.

I didn't know. It was all so confusing and overwhelming.

"Girls," my dad yelled up the stairs. "Come eat breakfast."

I didn't wanna eat. I felt like I was gonna be sick. I went downstairs and sat at the dining room table. Everybody else was already there. Callie didn't look too pleased to be there either though.

Alexis chuckled quietly. "You guys don't look too pleased to be here. Not even you, Callie. That's really shocking." She raised her eyebrows at Callie and Callie sat up, grabbing her fork.

"Of course, I am." She smiled. "Just tired."

Huh. That was kinda weird. I hadn't really known Callie to be a very enthusiastic or super happy person. About anything.

"Camilla, you need to eat something. You weren't eating anything yesterday either." Dad raised his eyebrows at me.

"I'm just not hungry."

He sighed. "Okay. Just... just leave your plate. I'll clean it up."

I pressed my lips together and nodded before going back upstairs and jumping onto my bed. I wanted to sleep but I wasn't tired, seeing as how I had just woken up. Surely I could find some type of medicine that would make me tired.

-

"Camilla." Callie shook me. "Wake up. Come on. You haven't said a word to me in two days. I'm getting offended, and lonely, and honestly worried."

I groaned, hiding my face in my pillow. "I'm tired."

"You've been asleep for..." She paused. "Eleven hours."

"And I plan on sleeping for a million more."

"What's wrong?"

I sighed, tears threatening to spill as I decided whether I wanted to tell her or not. "Billie broke up with me."

She sat down beside me. "Why?"

"Because I'm too far away."

"Oh." She sighed. "You can't do this. You can't sit around all day sleeping. It's unhealthy. You need to start eating again. You need to find something else to do to distract yourself besides sleeping. Start going to the gym. Find a game to start playing. Get a new hobby. Get a job. Hell, I don't know, but you need something to do. You can't just sleep and be sad."

"But that's what I wanna do." I let myself fall backwards onto my pillow.

"That's what I wanna do too." She laughed and then bit her lip, staring down at the blanket. "But I don't. I still get out of bed every single morning, and I eat, and at least act like everything's okay—which I'm not saying you should do that but... do something, okay?"

I nodded.

"You know what we can do since you need to find something to distract yourself?"

"What?"

"Play Minecraft."

"No." I shook my head.

Her mouth fell open disappointedly. "Come on. You always say no. I'm just trying to help you. Please."

"Whatever. Fine. I'll play."

-

"Come on. Get up here. I'm trying to show you something." I watched her character crouch in front of the ladder.

I climbed up the ladder and a tall, black creature with purple particles around it popped up in front of me. "Oh, shit," I yelled on instinct, dropping the controller. "What the fuck was that?"

"An enderman. Don't look it in the eyes."

"It's too damn late!" I started running as the enderman opened its mouth and chased me.

"Jump in the pool."

I tried to jump in but the enderman killed me. "Damn."

"Okay. Get in bed."

I clicked on my bed after respawning but it said that there were mobs nearby. "Oh, hell. Where—fuck!" The enderman popped up again. "Stop, no. I'm not playing anymore." I set my controller down and stood up, turning my phone on to see what time it was. Almost seven in the morning. "I'm gonna go to bed, okay?"

She nodded. "Goodnight. Don't worry. I'll be waking you up at eight."

"Bitch."

She laughed. "I'm kidding but I'm not letting you sleep all day."

"Whatever. I hate you." I flipped her light on and off a few times before going to my room.