Tear Myself Apart // Billie Eilish

Chapter 29

CAMILLA'S P.O.V

"Billie, I love you," I said, shrugging at her. Tears prick at my eyes as she just stared at me. I really didn't want to mess this up but I didn't want to continue sitting there, fighting the urge to sit in her lap and kiss her if it was something she might want too. After she didn't say anything for a minute, I nodded and pursed my lips, opening the door.

"Camilla, stop!"

I looked over at her and then averted my eyes, not wanting to make eye contact with her.

"Are you being serious or are you lying?"

"Why the hell would I lie about that?"

"Well, look at who the fuck I was in a relationship with for seven months! A damn murderer! She was a manipulative psychopath!" She shook her head. "I'm sorry that I'm a little less trusting now."

"Billie." I looked at her seriously. "I love you."

"I love you too," she replied quietly. "But I just—it's not. I love you but I'm also in love with you, Camilla. That's different and I don't—"

I climbed over the middle console and straddled her, shrugging. "Then I guess I'm in love with you, Eilish."

She grabbed my hands and set them on her cheeks, closing her eyes and setting her head on my shoulder. I knew she must've missed the comfort that came with our relationship as much as I did. I gently pulled her head off of my shoulder and her eyes flickered down to my lips. She kissed me and our lips move in slow sync, my heart fluttering at the feeling of her lips on mine again. Her hands slid under my shirt and rested on my waist as she kissed my neck. "Come over. Stay the night." She kissed me again. "Please."

I nodded. "Okay." I wasn't ready to move. I didn't want to leave her warm embrace just yet.

She sighed and squeezes my waist. "Okay. Come on. We gotta go."

I climbed back into my seat and buckled up. She pulled out of the now-empty parking lot and drove home. "If Claudia's ugly ass is here, I'm gonna cry." She turned the car off and we both got out.

I laughed. "And why is that?"

"She won't leave me alone about you."

"About me?"

She scoffed, shaking her head. "I told her a long time ago—probably a few days after we broke up—well, you were on the phone."

"Oh." I sighed, feeling guilty as I thought back to her panic attack that she had after I accidentally said that we broke up.

"Hey." She nudged me. "Stop. None of that was your fault."

"I know."

"Then stop feeling bad."

"I don't," I lied, earning a laugh from her.

"I missed you so much." She kissed my head and I smiled. "Come on." She grabbed my hand and drug me into her room, shutting the door and playing music through her speaker. As soon as I turned around, she pushed me into the door and attached her lips to my neck, eliciting a quiet moan, the area between my thighs heating up. "How quiet do you think you can be," she asked with a smirk before kissing me, making my face heat up.

She drug her fingertips along the waistband of my sweatpants, pushing her body into mine. I slid my hands into her hair and tried to pull her towards me but then she pinned my arms above my head.

"What do you think, baby? Can you be quiet?"

I quickly nodded and she pulled my shirt off.

-

Billie combed her fingers through my hair as I laid my head on her chest, only covered by the blanket, both of our chests heaving.

I wondered how Callie was doing. God knew she was struggling. Who did she have to rant to about all of the embarrassing shit she did all the time now? She was gonna drive Aracely up the damn walls. I wondered what I should get her for her birthday.

"What's up?"

"Hm?" I looked up at Billie.

"Where's your mind?"

"I was just thinking about what I should get Callie for her birthday."

"When is it," she asked.

"March 28."

"Oh. That's pretty soon. Are you gonna go back?"

I laughed. "She'd kill me if I didn't."

"Speaking of birthdays, what'd you do for yours?"

"Funny thing," I replied nervously, knowing she was about to hop on my head for this one.

"What'd you do?" She tilted her head.

"Nothing. I just told them that my birthday was April 14 so that I didn't have to do anything."

"Camilla!" She shook her head, a smile tugging at her lips. "You're so annoying."

"So are you."

She kissed my head and then sat up, pulling a shirt on. "You wanna borrow a shirt?"

"Yeah." She stood up and then tossed me my bra and a black T-shirt. "Actually give that back. I want you to wear this one." She took the shirt back and handed me a red one. "I like you in red."

"You're such a dork."

"I'm a dork? You're the one who can't put their own damn bra on. Turn the fuck around." I rolled my eyes and then turned around because she was right. I couldn't. "There." She hit me in the face with the shirt and I put it on.

"God." I looked around her disastrous room. "This is a fucking hazard. I don't even trust your floor right now. It's gonna swallow me. Why haven't you cleaned your room?"

"I'm so fucking serious when I say this, you're the only reason I cleaned my room... and you weren't here."

I shook my head and she laid down beside me, turning her LED lights off.

"You were literally the only thing keeping me sane, Milla." She pulled the blanket up over us and threw one of her legs over both of mine.

"I guess it's a good thing I'm back then. You better clean this shit up tomorrow."

"You're not my mom," she said in a stupid voice.

"I'm sure your mom hasn't seen this. It's catastrophic."

"It's not that bad."

"I don't know how the hell you even make it to your bed."

"Shut up." She pushed my forehead.

"But for real."

"I'm going to! Go to sleep."

It was nice to be back.