This chapter is inspired by my personal experiences with my eating disorder and the all the bullying that I have received over the years... So basically y'all are going to be reading about my sadness and issues 😎 I wrote this during a metal breakdown so yes
Chile anyways so everything written in this font will be referencing to the song ❤️ (I recommend you listen to it)
In which She try's to explain her pain to other
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She stares herself in the mirror judging herself
"I'm more than- I'm more than- I'm more than"
She's trying to find something good about herself, she's trying to tell herself that she's good enough
She can't. She's so used to being insulted to the point it doesn't faze her anymore
The bullying started at the age of 7. A native little girl, who thought the world was amazing, a girl who was at the top of her class until the age of 12
She was obviously still being bullied, but it turned physical, it wasn't your normal insults, the insults she could take, but when things became physical it was hard to hide
Her parents noticed the bruising
They noticed that she was being bullied almost 6 years after it started
She moved school, she thought it would make her happier
No
It made her life a living hell, she was in pain, no one noticed
That's when she stopped smiling, she couldn't
2019 was a fucked up year for her, she did things she regrets, things that haunt her up to this day
"Body, let me see your body, take off all your makeup and your clothes"
As she looked at herself in the mirror, she hates what she sees
She sees someone who will never be good enough, she sees someone that will never be like the other girls
15 January 2020 she decided to stop eating... 'It will make me prettier' she would always tell herself that
Truthfully she just wanted to be accepted, she just wanted to be loved
She hated being at home, because her dad always shouts at her, so much so that she afraid to even tell him something
Her mom is constantly busy, so she's alone
She has no one for her, she's always alone
"Trust me, why don't you just trust me, your the only beauty show me more"
Trust? No She trusts to quickly, she always gets hurt And those who she trusts, always go spread rumors about her, and tell her secrets
Beauty? She sees none of that, the only thing she sees is that little girl still being pushed around
'Why can't I just be skinny?' she always asks herself
She thought if she stopped eating, if she lost all the weight that she would be beautiful, that she would be accepted
She moved schools when she turned 14, it was fun in the beginning, but she changed, she knows she has
"Body, I'm more than my body, don't owe you a thing, no,not at all"
She's more than the girl with a disorder, she's more than the girl with daddy issues, the girl who has anxiety
She thought that she was someone special, she really did
People always say that she is where she is today because of them
Fuck no
She worked hard to be there, she would've been dead by now, but someone kept her going ( that_potatHOE_bish )
She owns nobody nothing, but they stay that she does
"I'm not a toy to play with Not just a sight to see"
Her loosing all the weight gave her unnecessary attention from boys she didn't want
She fell in love with someone, turns out he didn't really like her
They dated, he forced her to do things
He played with her feelings, he made her fall for him, then he just broke her heart
Turns out after she lost all the weight boys were more interested in her, not for her personality, but for her body
It's disgusting, being constantly catcalled and being sexualized by older boys
It's become so bad to the point that she can't walk home alone
"Touch me, you just want to feel me You just want to share me You don't care at all Trust you, why don't I just trust you? You just want to use me Now I know"
He just wanted to touch her, he would talk badly about her, sexualize her infront of his friends
When she was being hurt, insulted, he just stood there
He watched as she was being hurt by his friends, he just watched
Then one night she woke up to a text saying that they were over
She was sad but she knew it was for the best
It took her months to realize that he was just using her, that he didn't really love her
When she was diagnosed with her disorder she stayed home alot, due to her going to therapy weekly
