You'll hold my hand right

-1-

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                                                23th of April
How do I start this..

Dear diary.
This is the first time I try to write down everything that has happend. My therapist said that that this will help put everything together, though I wonder if that really is the case.

.....

Its been getting worse since "that" happend. I don't feel like doing anything and have been distancing myself from everyone.

Sometimes I catch myself wandering back to the dark place in my mind. Thought I'd be used to it by now, but everytime it happens it brakes me in a new way I didn't think was possible.

-Gulf Kanawut

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While putting the pencil down I can feel what can only be described as misery.

Its that lingering feeling deep inside that makes your stomach twist and your soul feel empty.

...

Desiding not to let it consume me, I close the diary and put it back in the bookcase. I dont really have enything to do since I already unpacked my stuff. Still haven't met my roommate yet though. I came urly cause I wanted to unpack and sort out my stuff before my roommate came. Desiding not to spend my free time alone in a small room I grab my phone and earbuds to put on some music, before heading out to familiarize myself with the campus.

The campus is huge with separate buildings for each faculty. First I pass by the faculty of science and the faculty of medicine sins they're close together, next I pass by the faculty of law, then economics and engineering. After a while i get to a smal park and deside to take a brake. As I look around for a place to sitt, I notice an empty bench by a tree. I sitt down, close my eyes and take a deep breath, before opening them again. Feeling a lot better now, I let my thoughts fade away as I listen to the nice music.

Then suddenly before I know it I have coffee all over my shirt and a guy lays on the ground in front of me. For a brief moment my eyes are locked on his, until the burning sensation sets inn. I emidietly stand up and look at my shirt "Shiaa, fuck" I mumble as I try to dry my shirt. The guy, finely coming back from the shock, springs into action. "Sawatdee, khor hort, I really didn't mean to" he says as he frantically looks in his bag for something to dry of the stain. As he tries to dry the shirt I push him away. All the peace and relaxation is now replaced by frustration and anger. I try to calm myself down knowing I'm going to say something mean, but "its FINE, just.. watch where you're walking next time!" it didn't work. Knowing there's no way to save the conversation without saying something worse, I walk away.

After a while I stopp and look around. There's not many people around, but after walking a bitt I spot a football field with some players. That must meen this is the faculty of sports. FINELY! Found it. I head inside and start looking for a bathroom to clean up in. While looking I bump into another guy and fall down. This time, noticing that it's my fault, I say "Sawatdee, khor hort", maybe a bit to sarcastically, but it works. He helps me up, "Sawatdee, it's fine. But it doesn't look like this was your first accident now does it" he points at my shirt. Me not being in the best of moods obviously deside to awnser with a "no shit sherlock!" He backs up for a small moment before putting his hands up in surrender "hey, sorry, didn't mean to hit a nerve" I dont really wana awnser so I just cross my armbs and look at him. He starts rummaging through his backpack before pulling out a spare shirt and holding it out to me. "here, use my spear shirt" Reluctantly I take the shirt from his hands. "My name is Mild. I'm a freshman from the faculty of sports" I look from the shirt to him before answering "Gulf, freshman from the sports faculty" Hearing this Mild's face emidietly lights up "Then lets get along" I give him a small smile "Sure. Where's the nearest toilet, I need to change" He hits himself in the head jokingly "Right, follow me!" He says as he walks of.

Walking back to my dorm a few hours later, I have just said godbye to Mild. I'm kind of tired after the long day, not really hungry tho sins me and Mild went to eat after I changed. As I open the front door to the dorms, I start thinking back on the day. Some stuff happend, but nothing to bad, still kind of mad at the guy that spilled coffee on me. Walking up the stairs, I realize that I still haven't met my roommate. It would have been nice if it was Mild, but I know it's not going to be him sins he lives in another dorm. I sigh as I reach the door to my room, and unlock it.

Walking inside, I can hear the shower and notice that there's some boxes on the floor and a bag on the other bed. It has to be my roommate's stuff. I dont really want snoop in his stuff cause I dont want him to snoop in my things, but I did notice some photos of different people, probably friends and family. I dont really have any photos like that with me, except for one that I have of my family in the drawer by the bed, as for friends.... well........

The door opens behind me and I turn around to se the guy from the park half naked. "Oh, it you, I'm truly so sorry for what happend earlier today." After being lost in my thoughts for a moment I realize I probably should answer.  Feeling the anger burning inside me I know I'm probably going to say something mean again, but before I realise it the words have already left my mouth. "You SHOULD be, do you KNOW how long I had to walk around with a shirt covered in warm coffee!" ....shit .... fuck .. no .... stopp ..bad mouth ... shut up ... Why do I always do this... . I turn my attention back to him and try my dam hardest not to look like I'm pissed, but based on his reaction I'm guessing I failed again. He looks taken aback by wat I said and a bit defensive, as if I'm going to hurt him. His reaction makes me even more annoyed so I deside to cool off in the shower. I grab my towel and hed into the bathroom without saying another word.