𝓣𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙠𝙮 𝙞 𝙙𝙧𝙚𝙬 𝙢𝙮 𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙧𝙨 𝙤𝙣✨ | A Jikook x Y/N ff [sad ending]

Chapter 1

'Why do I have to do this?'

oh, let me introduce myself. Y/N, Kim Y/N. 21 years old, and probably not gonna have a longer life ahead... wondering why? well, it's not something i can explain in just 2 words. the emotions, the feelings, the pain, the happiness... it's all complicated... but hey, look at me, i don't mind, do i? at least i'm gonna be released from this suffocation, this is what i've wanted forever right? my wish is finally coming true and i'm beyond happy.

but why am i crying? i thought that my tears are non existent? i should be happy!

'Y/N, stop crying dumbass!' the evil voice in my head yelled at me

'Be happy you fool! You are dying! it's something you've wanted for so long and now you think you'll be able to escape death by crying like that? Get up, go cut your wrists, go kill yourself slowly, it's just a better reason to die'

'STOP IT!!!' I held my ears tightly as i yelled at the evil voice as if she'd stop talking if i insisted her to.

'Stop what? stop stating the truth? huh, you've been giving yourself false hope from the start Y/N, did any of that help you at all? all you can do is give yourself useless hope, to keep yourself happy but girl, you never deserved happiness and that's the reason you're dying, something you've wanted for so long but now you're trying to escape it by crying? psss such a spoiled brat'

i started sobbing. why does she hate me so much?

'why do you want me to die?'

'because you deserve to. you could never satisfy me, always filled me with your dumbass insecurities. tortured me, and now you're asking me that like nothing ever happened. go cut yourself. no one needs you here, go disgust the people around you with the scars, everyone will hate you'

'b-but'

'seriously Y/N? You're gonna give yourself false hope again aren't you? '

'i'm not giving myself false hope, trust me, i want to get rid of this. i want to escape from this gutter. the scars i made on my wrists are enough. i can't do it anymore... please, at least for a few months, the last days i'll be here for, please don't make me cut my wrists again...'

'you do what you do, but are you seriously not gonna listen to me? oh right, i forgot that you're useless, someone who can't make anyone happy, someone who only causes difficulties'

i started re-thinking what she just said... maybe i should just go and do it, at least i'll be able to make someone in this world happy, even if it isn't a person...

i smiled and got up. i took the blade and took off the plastic keeping the sharp end close...

1 cut, 2 cuts, cuts over cuts to double the pain, but it still didn't match the pain i held inside me... i smiled again, seeing the blood fighting to escape through the scars

'are you happy now?'

'woah Y/N, youre a daring girl, i must say'

i chuckled

'only because of you...'

it had always been like that. torturing? might as well say i was torturing myself, it was that little, evil voice that made me cut myself after all, but i must say, i',m happy, she is the one who always tells me to kill myself but... at least she talks to me, at least i have someone to all of my secrets with, even though she gives me anxiety, even though she makes it worse, even though i don't wanna go to her, all i wanted was to be happy but could i? my parents abandoning me when i was little, my aunt making me do all her work and beating me up when i deny to, my boyfriend, my moon, the only source of light i found in my life of darkness leaving me, my friends, my stars, leaving me too, i really lost my moon and my stars... what about my earth? huh, never really found someone like that, but may i just say, i won't really find someone because i know that i won't be able to have a happy ending with them, it would either be sad or... stay incomplete. not that i would find someone like that in just a span of 5 months, but just in case i do, i would never be able to make them happy, just like i couldn't make the others...

i was thinking, when i realised that it was really late at night, i looked at my hand, still bleeding, blood on the floor, blood on the carpet, blood on the sheets... i laid down and pulled the blanket over me, not bothering to clean any of the blood since no one else is gonna see me like this, at my worst, yeah, my house is haunted, bloody everywhere, i never really bothered to clean any of it because it's just me and.. that evil voice in my head who sees all of that...

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hey yall! i was debating if i should publish this fanfiction or not, because this isn't my first time writing a fanfiction, i did write more fanfictions in the past but i wasnt able to finish them because of school, but still had the story all planned in my head sdhsjdjs. but that aside, i hope yall like it, please do let me know your thoughts on my writing style!!

instagram: @/lvvlypjmin

Word count: 836