i'm not failing you because of my own actions. i'm failing you because you never learned to forgive me. you made an image of the exact way you wanted me to be when i grew up.
you wanted me to be poised. you wanted me to be attractive so you could say you brought a beautiful child into the world. you wanted me to be a lady. you wanted me to marry a good man and raise good children.
you don't understand me, and you don't know me. you will never get to know me because i will never let you.
i am tired of spending my time crying in the dark about how scared i am of you. i feel scared even within the comfort of my own room. i STILL feel scared of you even when i'm in her arms. i still feel scared of you in the nights where she stays with me, comforting me, talking for countless hours about how much she is in love with me.
the fear of you has not left my conscience for 7 years. i am not what you wanted. i do not care that i am not what you wanted.
i am not your puppet. you are not my controller.
i shouldn't have to feel bad for having social media and expressing myself online. i shouldn't have to feel bad about myself for having attractions to people. i shouldn't have to feel bad about myself for having a sexual interest.
you tell me about all your stories of getting caught doing a lot of idiotic things and how they were good times. you have been ARRESTED for trespassing and fights. when i ask to go out, it's simply for food and to go to the mall.
you take away my freedom and give me nothing.
all you are doing to me is exactly what your parents did to you, and it is not fair. you cannot disown me for being who i am. i will never speak to you again when i am on my own.
i hope my decision in that never changes.
