Tethered

Twelve || Knot

{The Thing That Wrecks You ~ Lady A and Little Big Town}

...Yeah, you're running down a darkened road where even angels might not go, some stars have a long glow, let it pull you like a song you know...

----

Hands grip the fabric of a dress that covers what I don't want to show. I'm all limb, limp and loose under the weight of an influence I can't control. But he holds me steady, a firm grip on my waistline.

"I'm dizzy," I breathe, half-laughing.

Sweat trickles from the back of my neck, the heat of the night rippling like the rain on the window. 

"You're dizzy," they echo, and my head falls forward in a heavy nod.

So heavy. I can barely hold my neck up without my eyes rolling back. All I want is quiet and a cold plunge of sobriety, for a moment. A splash of water on my face in the bathroom, a glance at my reflection letting me know where I am, as I can't catch a real hold of anything but the feeling of his hands on me, my back pressed flat against the door, closed behind me.

"Where are we?" I ask into the emptiness of this bedroom. "Where is everyone?"

I wait for the answers, but I don't hear words. I can't find them, or the air or the fight to press for what I want to know. Just hands that hold tighter. One pair of hands. One door. One way out.

----

     The sound of the crowd that gathers by the stadium reverberates in an excited hum—the start of Derby Season has arrived. I haven't slept many of the nights leading to this moment, and my eyes burn like the scorched dust road my feet hop down into below.

     Beau had offered me a ride this morning, and I almost laughed thinking he was joking. If we were magnets, we wouldn't ever meet, and nothing I do seems to change the distance between us. His tight jaw and eyes that look anywhere but at me seem to be the only way he knows how to be with me since the day we looked for Dusk. I have replayed it over and over in my mind, wishing I could go back and change it. To bring back that new and supple softness that was forming between us. We are continents apart now.

     We stand, backs to the end of Beau's beat-up, rust-bucket of a truck, watching the almost endless ocean of people waiting for the excitement to begin. His eyes survey the scene that lays before us. Today is the first day, as he explained in between the silences on the ride here, where the Mayor will announce the riders. He doesn't seem too excited, and I remember his harsh opinion of the Mayor from when I first met Beau. 

     I wonder if Harley represents the Rucker's, or if he is there to defend his title on his own merit. My stomach churns a little at the thought of seeing him, still feeling a rush of guilt at the way I ran from the cookout, but I push the feelings down and mirror Beau-- my jaw set and my arms folded tightly across my chest.

  "Are you sure about this?" I ask, after a moment.

  "What choice do we have?" He counters, offering me an answer. 

     Maybe it's the heat, or the people, or the worry of seeing Harley, but I feel off-kilter. Something isn't sitting right in the pit of my stomach, and no matter what I do, I can't shift it. I'm stuck with this knot, and I doubt seeing Beau stand up and announce he is racing will make it any better.