The Institution

Chapter 4: In Which I Make a Fool of Myself Several Times Over

I have no idea what time Arthur returned to the dorm last night, but it must've been quite late because by then I was fast asleep. I woke to find him passed out on his bed at nine in the morning, snoring loudly and drooling on his pillow. He hadn't even bothered to get under his sheets or take off his shoes, and one of his legs was dangling off the bed. I took extra care to avoid bumping into it when I climbed out of my own bed and pulled out a clean shirt from my drawers.

There was a weird smell lingering in the air. I paused and sniffed. It smelled like B.O. I looked around and spotted Arthur's dirty football uniform on the floor, along with his jacket that he had worn out last night. I poked at it and determined that it was covered in stale beer.

By the time I returned from breakfast at Ovid's at eleven, Arthur was still in bed. I could tell he was awake now though because he was no longer drooling.

"Top of the morning to you!" I exclaimed the moment I walked in the door. Arthur emitted a groan and threw his arm over his eyes. "That game last night- you were fantastic! I never knew you were so good at football. I didn't really understand most of what was going on, but it was still fun. I'm assuming you went out to celebrate last night- how was that?"

You can tell a lot about Arthur by how he wakes up in the morning.

For example, if he hurls a pillow at you, you should duck and assume that he's still hung over and that it would be beneficial for you to shut up now.

Arthur rose soon after that. He laboriously dressed himself and began rummaging through his discarded jacket pockets for his lanyard. He didn't notice that he had put his shirt on inside out. I thought it was in my best interest not to tell him.

Arthur barely said a word that day. He tried to work on some homework in the afternoon, but I think his eyes were bothering him too much. In the end he surrendered to the hangover and went back to bed. I didn't bother him this time.

The weather remained hot and dry over the following week. I was pleased to see that I was developing a bit of a tan on my arms from all of the walking around campus. I have an awkward hour long break in between two of my classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays, which doesn't leave me enough time to walk back to South Campus to get lunch. And so that was when I finally discovered the Student Center.

The Student Center is located on North Campus right behind the Patterson Office tower. It is very convenient for when you are hungry and don't have enough time to go back to your room to eat. To my utter delight, the Student Center has even more food options than Commons does, including a Starbucks and a Subway. Those were the two places I stopped at today.

"I'll have a foot long with turkey, please," I said to the Subway station worker.

He began to make my sandwich. "Lettuce?" he asked.

"Yes, please, just a little bit."

He took handfuls of lettuce and began stuffing them into the roll.

"No, wait-"

"Mustard?" Without waiting for my reply he squirted three large dollops on top of the lettuce.

That was the only time I went to that Subway.

After my English class I decided to try out the bus system and take the campus shuttle back to Smith Hall. When I got on the bus there was a girl with a golden retriever sitting in one of the seats at the back. I like dogs, so I went over and sat down next to her. I reached over to scratch the dog's ears.

"Please don't pet him," said the girl, when she saw what I was about to do.

I froze.

"Why not?" I asked.