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casterly rock, house lannister the westerlands
MOONS HAD PASSED AND JAIME OFTEN FOUND HIMSELF MISSING JOANNA. Desiring her touch, feeling too lonely beside his lovely wife. Of course he knew she had ever right to. After finding out about him and Cersei, he would expect nothing less. But Joanna had made it known that she would not fall into his tries any longer. Of course she did let him do his duties, yet had never claimed she likes it.That always broke his heart; he knew he deserved this. He knew he should expect this behavior from her, but that didn't help him from his broken heart.
They sat at and ate breakfast at the table inside their chambers, Sterlan sitting on Joanna's lap. On the table there laid fruits, nuts, wine and bread, too much for only three persons. Jaime stared at them and his thoughts now about them. He was truly stupid to have sacrificed their happiness for his own selfish desires. And he had not only destroyed theirs, but his as well without even realizing it. The thought only made Jaime scoff, maybe it was true of what they said. He was truly the stupidest Lannister.
Sterlan had now managed to feed Joanna himself, making Jaime break out in a smile at the sight in front of him. Steel and had seemed so comfortable on his mother's presence, yet always detested being alone with him. Joanna had tried reassuring him that he was only wanting his mother, as many babes would be at his age. Yet, he has known how she spoke that she was dishonest.
He promised himself on that moment that he would no longer go back to King's Landing and stay for Joanna and their son. Cersei would need to be gone from his thought. Though she would never truly be gone, seeing as she was his sister, but nothing would make him go back to her. His life was already too much ruined and he couldn't harm Joanna's feelings any longer.
✧
"Where are you taking me Lord Jaime?"
Jaime winced, not used to be called Lord Jaime from Joanna. It only reminded him of the reality, the reality where he betrayed her. He always beat himself up for it. Cersei had sent him letters after letters, complaining about Robert and how he should have been there for her. But he didn't respond, he couldn't. Just watching Joanna's tear stricken face made Jaime realize that he really was a man without honor. Never once did Joanna call him kingslayer, or ask about why he stabbed the man king in the back. Not once, and it had only made Joanna more beautiful.
"Come with me. There is something I wish to show you." Jaime said, tugging her arm gently to move with him. Joanna stares at him with furred brows and a hint of mistrust. Jaime felt hurt by this. He would not dare harm her, surely she knew that?
She then gave a sigh and accepted. He brought her through the silent hall, not one servant was present. He had ordered them not to intrude, to do their tasks and leave.
He stopped before the wooden door and held the door for Joanna to pass through. She was quiet for a moment before walking in. He could hear her let out a gasp at the sight. Jaime felt himself grin, praising himself for making Joanna amazed.
"I made this for you. It's not much but I hope-"
He couldn't say more before he was embraced by small arms and a tiny frame. He looked down and smiled widely. Joanna raised her head to meet his emerald eyes. She had tears in her eyes, he noted, quite happy that he made her feel something at the time they were together.
"This is the most amazing thing someone have ever done for me." Joanna said as she went closer to the paining of her. He had to spend weeks trying to make out the details on her face, trying to get it as similar as possible. "It looks exactly like me," she turned around, a huge smile on her face. "How long did you take in making this?" She asked her face full of astonishment.
Jaime shakes his head, his hands grabbing both her hands. "I would take as long as I would if it meant that you would give me only an ounce of forgiveness. I don't deserve it quite frankly," Joanna stared at him, her face still. But Jaime continued. "But all I ask for is a chance. A chance to make this all right again. Don't forgive me, and I don't want you to. Forgive me when you know I deserve to be forgiven. I don't love you, but I care deeply for you, Joanna, you must know this. Give me a chance to be a good husband and father to our son, and I'll promise you, you won't ever hear the name Cersei from my lips."
Joanna kept staring at him, tears now running freely on her rosy cheek. She shakes her head with a smile, a small chuckle escaping her. "I don't hate you Jaime. I never did. I didn't care that you hurt me. What I cared for is that you didn't only hurt me but Sterlan." Jaime's face paled, the though of Sterlan made Jaime's heart clench.
"You would put him in danger for your stupidity. But I know that I must give our son a good life, a life where he is loved by both his parents. So yes Jaime, I will give you this chance. This chance to make this all right again."
