always...

chapter 2 - daisuga

mid june

"mom! i'm leaving now to pick up kōshi!"

"ok sweetie, have fun! oh! also, can you grab me some boba on your way home? i've been craving some passionfruit green tea for weeks," daichi's mom replied.

"yeah, yeah i got it. i'll be home later tonight. love you!" he answered.

it was his and suga's 2 year anniversary. daichi grabbed his car keys and unlocked the door. he put the key in the ignition, started the car, and pulled out of the driveway. suga's house wasn't too far away from his own, but the drive still gave him enough time to get lost in thought yet again.

despite everything that was going on with his parents' divorce, daichi wanted to make sure to do something extra special for the two of them. it'd already been two months since they'd dropped the news on him, and he'd be lying to himself if he said it was easy to handle.

while his parents were still figuring out the details of the divorce (not that daichi really understood all the legal jargon anyway), they argued more than ever. with college preparation, school work, and volleyball practice all filling up his day to day schedule, daichi could barely focus at home anymore. sure, he had gotten used to the normal everyday banter between his parents, but now that the arguments were about the divorce, it was all he could think about.

daichi wanted to vent to suga about it on a daily basis and he knew that he could, yet he didn't. he didn't want to burden his boyfriend with more issues, knowing that suga's parents weren't the most harmonious couple either on top of the countless other problems that suga always ranted about.

to be honest, daichi felt really guilty. he knew he was neglecting suga emotionally and physically because he was too wrapped up in the swirling of his own thoughts and stress. everytime they were together, daichi felt a pang of guilt in his chest when he looked at the smile constantly plastered on suga's face. it wasn't his usual genuine and gentle smile that could make daichi's heart melt in an instant.

everytime he asked suga how he was, he always responded, "it's okay, i'm fine" or "don't worry about me, take care of yourself first." deep down, daichi knew that he was lying to his face, but for some reason he let him. he knew his boyfriend was constantly worried about him, yet he let him continue hurting.

i don't deserve suga. i don't know what i did to make him love me...i'm a horrible boyfriend and he'd be better off with someone else. i don't know anymore...i can't continue neglecting him and hurting him like this.

i have to give him this last special day. i have to at least give him that...