always...

chapter 30 - oikawa

he had already called him three times, but still no answer.

so much for hanging out. pfft...why am i not surprised?

iwaizumi was always somehow busy with his girlfriend kaede. everytime oikawa asked him to hang out, he was always with her instead. and everytime iwa promised he would make it up to oikawa, it seemed like iwa had forgotten his best friend.

god why do i still put up with him?

"it's because you love him."

daichi's words rang through his mind yet again, a constant reminder of why he was so lenient with hajime all the time.

oikawa dropped his head onto the kitchen counter yet again in frustration.

"why. can't. i. stop. loving. him. FUCK!!" he yelled, in between each time he banged his head on the table. he picked up his phone again and made another call.

it rang twice before the other line picked up.

"yes, tōru?"

"SUGA! PLEASEEEEE HANG OUT WITH ME I'M SAD AND LONELY!" oikawa cried out into the phone.

"you and me both, you stupid simp. i'll be over in 20 minutes," suga replied.

oikawa hung up the phone and waited for suga to come over. while he waited, he started organizing all of his baking pans to pass the time. before he knew it, the doorbell rang.

oikawa walked to the front door to let suga in, the gray-haired setter greeting him with a quick hug.

"alright bitch, what's going on?" suga asked.

"iwa keeps forgetting to hang out with me after ditching me on several occasions for his girlfriend, kaede, and i miss him and i want to hang out with him and i love him and i also want to sabotage his relationship," oikawa ranted quickly.

"okay first, don't sabotage. that has the potential to make matters worse. second, you either need to tell him how you feel, or start moving on tōru. this isn't healthy. you keep giving him all these chances to redeem himself and he continues to neglect you. i get that he's in a relationship, but he should still prioritize his friends equally as well," suga concluded.

"see, i know of all of that...but it's not like i'm actually going to do any of that either. confess? nahhh. but sabotage? seems appealing to me," oikawa replied with a shrug.

"tōru, no."

"but yes."

"no."

"oh c'mon ko-chan! you're no fun!"

"i mean yeah, i've been depressed for awhile now, of course i'm no fun," suga retorted without missing a beat.

"i-suga...how are you coping lately?" oikawa questioned gently.

"...if you're asking if i-no...i haven't since then. mostly i cry myself to sleep at night...sometimes i just lay in bed and vibe to sad music in the dark at like 3am...i've eaten way too much ice cream...yeah, that's mostly it i guess," suga answered bluntly.

"understandable. i have some ice cream in my freezer if you want some right now by the way," oikawa offered.

"i wouldn't be opposed...what flavor?" suga mumbled back.

"häagen-dazs, white chocolate raspberry truffle...one of your favorites," the seijoh setter winked.

"yes please," suga decided, as oikawa made his way to the freezer and pulled out the pint. he got two spoons out and the setters opened the container, immediately digging into the frozen treat.

suddenly, suga's breathing became uneven and his body shuddered. oikawa glanced up at his friend only to see his hazel eyes shining with tears.

"tōru...daichi's favorite flavor ice cream was this too...w-why does every single little fucking thing remind me of him? i-i can't even go more than an hour without finding something that reminds me of him, a-and all i can think of is how that backstabbing bitch is probably only just learning these things about him," suga stuttered, his hands trembling.

oikawa hated hearing suga's voice shake. it reminded him of the shutters of a window in a violent storm. it hurt him to hear the smaller boy in so much pain, his voice reflecting all the sadness he was feeling.

all oikawa wanted to do was wrap his arms around him and tell him it would be okay, but they both knew that it was worse to make half-empty promises.

"ko-chan...we're both in such terrible situations, huh? it sucks not being able to be with the one you love...regardless of how much your heart longs for them," oikawa sighed.

suga only sobbed harder in response, dropping his head to the table as his tears dripped down his face and onto the marble counter.

"i-i hate that i hate him right now, yet i know deep down...that i would take him back in a heartbeat if he asked. a-and i know it's because i love him...but after he hurt me like that without a second thought...i-i can't help but wonder if he even cares about me anymore...does he even still love me?" suga choked out.

"kōshi..." oikawa began. "of course he still cares...there's no way that even after all you two have been through together that he stopped caring."

"then why?? w-why did he do that to me? i-i still don't understand tōru...why? why...why?" suga cried desperately.

just seeing him like that was enough to bring tears to oikawa's eyes as well. he sat down next to suga, rubbing circles into the crying boy's back as his own tears started rolling down his cheeks.

"i don't know, kōshi. i'm sorry..." oikawa whispered.

why is the world so unfair? why do we have to feel this way? why are we the ones hurting all the time?

"i-i'm sorry."