always...

chapter 46 - daichi & suga

september

"jesus christ daichi, you're just like him. useless, inconsiderate, and just plain pathetic! why can't you be more like your brother, huh? god...and you wonder why i divorced your father? take a look at yourself," his mother spat at him.

daichi was at his mom's house this week and like always, she was trash talking his father. but lately, she had been comparing him to his father too, taking out her anger at his dad at him instead.

he wasn't sure why, but her lashing out at him hurt more than the actual divorce itself. he could handle her endless rants, but this was something completely foreign to him.

each insult she threw at him cut deeper than the last, her words slashing at his very being while his heart bled.

it was another drinking night.

daichi no longer cared if he showed up to school hungover, much less to practice. he even started skipping training, which ukai was having none of.

sure, takeda-sensei would try and convince ukai to cut daichi some slack, but his blatant disregard for anything these days was completely unacceptable according to the coach.

while his mom went out on another one of her late night, "stress relief" drives, daichi went downstairs into the dining room where the liquor cabinet was.

he scanned the shelves briefly before deciding on a bottle of smirnoff. he took the liquor off the shelf and brought it into the kitchen. then, he grabbed his steel water bottle off the counter, twisting the top open, before he poured in the entire bottle of booze.

i just want to be numb. i don't want to fucking feel like shit all the time...why is she still comparing me to kazuhiko? he moved out years ago and i know he's better than me, but who gives a fuck? and comparing me to dad? seriously??

daichi stomped upstairs to his room and sat down on his bed before taking a swig of the alcohol from his water bottle.

the burning sensation that traveled down his throat had become familiar to him and he no longer minded the stinging he felt after.

more. more. more...

daichi downed the liquor like it was water. a little vodka was nothing to him anymore.

or so he thought.

each sip made him more and more intoxicated; gradually, his thoughts blended into one other, his mind grew hazy, and his actions became clumsy.

he could no longer think straight as he reached for his phone on his nightstand.

everything he saw in his field of vision appeared to have an after-image. he was seeing double and could barely manage to unlock his phone.

he clicked on the phone app and dialed the last person he called.

the line rang 3 times before someone picked up.

"dai? it's late, why are you calling? is something wrong?"

it was michimiya.

"y-you...you're wrong. i never...break with s-suga...wrong," daichi stuttered, barely able to put together coherent sentences.

"what? what are you saying? daichi, are you drunk?"

"duH, stupid bish...can't even...giving head ahahaha sloppy..."

"excuse me?" michimiya answered, stunned.

"i don't...no love for you...all lying ahahhaha stupid," daichi chuckled, completely delirious.

"daichi...you're drunk...you don't know what you're talking ab-"

"i do. suga's better...you...mistake. pathetic..."

"you don't mean that...daichi, i love you...and you love me...right?"

"naww, never ahahaha oops...whatcha gonna do 'boutit? HAH!" daichi scoffed, his speech all jumbled.

"i'm hanging up...y-you're not thinking straight...i'll see you tomorrow daichi," michimiya huffed, defeated, before ending the call.

daichi looked down at his phone, confused at why he could no longer hear anyone. he shrugged it off and chucked his phone onto his bed, the device bouncing right off and hitting the hardwood floor with a loud smack.

he reached for his bottle yet again and finished off the last drops of the vodka before flopping backwards onto his mattress.

with that much alcohol flowing through his body, daichi could no longer stand, let alone stay awake. he slipped in and out of consciousness, his vision riddled with blurry images of his room, before everything finally went pitch black.

the next morning, daichi woke up to another pounding headache that felt as if someone had slammed his head into a brick wall...repeatedly.

he sat up on his bed, rubbing his temple before he looked around the room for his phone. finally, he found it face down underneath his bed next to several volleyballs.

he reached down and picked it up, only to reveal its shattered screen.

"shit..." he muttered under his breath.

he checked the time before realizing that he was already half an hour late to pick yui up. desperately, he attempted to unlock his phone to call her, but to no avail.

it was useless. his screen looked like a spider web, rainbow-colored flashes scattered across the surface which was missing a few small glass shards.

"FUCK!" he threw his phone back on his bed before getting up and throwing on the first pieces of clothing he found on the floor.

before long, daichi was out the door, getting into his car and putting on his sunglasses to hide his bloodshot eyes.

he sped down the street and skidded around the corner, his head still pounding as he drove towards michimiya's house.

what the fuck...?

slowly, he began to recall little bits and pieces of his conversation with her from the night before.

"wrong...pathetic...sloppy...mistake...lying..." shit...did i really say that to her?

daichi slammed his fist on the steering wheel, angry with himself for calling her.

what the hell was i thinking? dammit...i have to apologize...how could i be so fucking stupid??

"ARGHH!!" daichi yelled, bringing his hand down on the wheel once again, even harder than before.

i was drunk...she has to understand...drunk words are sober thoughts. no they aren't! i-i wasn't thinking. but you were. you just admitted everything you were too scared to say to her face. no...you're wrong...i would never...oh, but you did.

i didn't mean any of it...right?