Saturday Nights

I

This story is dedicated to my beloved sister in blood and soul, Nardyl Shae.

The night sky today wasn't that dark, it's not full of stars either. Oh how I wish to have the sky I used to love. But is it really the sky that changed? Or it's something down here what's missing. I bet the moon is laughing at me right now, it witnessed my best Saturday nights, and basically fucked up Sunday to Friday nights.

"Just laugh all you want, silly moon." I wanted to shout, but my mom is just beside me scrolling through her social media account.

Why does my mom has a more normal life than me?

"Did you say something?"

"No." I smiled at her and looked back at the moon that's now half covered by the clouds.

We went inside since it's starting to freeze our bones, It's the month of October and people around me acts like Christmas is tomorrow. I walked passed by our old green Christmas tree and went upstairs to my room.

I tucked myself in my thick blanket, took a deep breath and let it out. I do this all the time, I feel like I'm a computer that has been refreshed after it. I stared at my ceiling and I immediately shrugged when your face popped in my head.

Three years ago wasn't such a good year to me, I spent the first month full of smiles and ended with empty beer bottles.

It still feels like yesterday. The day you sent me a message and told me how you like coffee so much, the day you went pass by my classroom and smiled at me, the day you drove me home and we made out at my front yard.

I caught myself smiling.

Stupid, Valentine.

I slowly touched my lips as I reminisce the day you stole a kiss. I remember telling you how stolen kisses were better, and I remember the days you smiled at me. Those were beautiful, but it aches so much.

"Valentine, this is Nicks." his smile was as wide as it can be.

"Hi Nicks! Nice meeting you." I tried to give my best smile, I didn't see myself that day but I probably look like a whale in pain.

Why do you need to introduce your new chic to me?!

I was at the park that day when I saw them together. It was just three weeks when he told me he needed space, he needed time to think. I remember asking him if he found someone else, his response still haunts me to this days. "I highly doubt loving someone else than you Val."

I thought he was telling the truth! I thought he just wanted time to figure things out. I knew we aren't officially together, but, we talked every single night, we knew each other's deepest and craziest secrets. I thought that that was enough. I thought I was enough.

"I like you, Val. I like how we connect." his eyes were sincere, his warm palms caressed my face.

"I like you too, Den." we smiled and slowly kissed, it was our first Saturday night together, under the dark sky near the lake.

My heart was so happy that night, 'I finally found someone who understands me.' is what I used to tell myself.

He pulled me closer as he deepened his kisses, I wrapped my arms around his neck and went along the rhythm. I can hear the busy city across the big lake but I didn't mind, I know it's only me and him.

I was pulled back to reality when I started to have a hard time breathing, I was crying. I sat down on my bed and tried to compose myself. But then I heard a knock from my door.

"Valentine, sleep early and bring uncle Ken's books tomorrow morning by the lake."

I didn't respond. I know she'll notice my voice if I do. I was thankful she left right after that. It's been months since the last time I went to the lake. It holds such happy memories, such a shame how it also remind me the day he left.

"I highly doubt loving someone else than you Val." his voice was assuring, his hand were warm as usual which made me much comfortable.

"I'll be right here." I tried so hard not to cry, but I know that my nose were getting red and my eyes were surely teary.

"I just needed this."

"I know." No, I didn't know, I never understand his reasons, but I trusted him.

We were silent for a moment when he pulled a small piece of pearl from his pocket and gave it to me. I smiled and enjoyed every details of it. "Thank you." I whispered. He gave a half smile and kissed my hand. He didn't say anything but his eyes tell me it was goodbye.