No Going Back

34

Amid the turmoil and tumult of battle, there may be seeming disorder and yet no real disorder at all; amid confusion and chaos, your array may be without head or tail, yet it will be proof against defeat.
━
The Art of War
Sun Tzu

≣

No one ever really spoke about how fucking difficult it was to remain strong in the face of adversity.

Rather than elaborate on the mental - and sometimes physical - distress that often accompanied both courage and tenacity, many chose to glance over those hardships and solely focus on the uplifting end result. They would dole out sickeningly optimistic one-liners, promising that the hardest times bring the best opportunities or that trying circumstances build more resilient people. And sure, while those sentiments were beautiful and hopeful alike, they were also grossly unhelpful.

For people experiencing tough situations, hearing things will get better did absolutely nothing to make things better at that given moment. All it did was remind them of how fucked up everything was, of the pain that received no external validation from others. It left them feeling alone and defeated when all they wanted was to be heard.

What those people needed was someone to explain how agonizing it could be to find resilience; they needed to hear that it was no easy feat to fight back against the world that wronged them. They needed to be told that endurance was so much more than being strong-willed or persistent; it meant experiencing the misery and choosing to withstand it.

Sometimes, people just needed to know that it was really fucking difficult to remain strong in the face of adversity.

But that didn't mean it was impossible.

They could - would - discover an inner boldness that would help them embrace the storm, a grit that allowed them to chase each bolt of lightning and scream along with every boom of thunder. They would meet failure, inevitably, but would also find the will to stand up despite the chances of being struck right back down. They would learn that feeling weak did not constitute a lack of strength, that losing hope did not mean all hope was lost. And one day, they would defeat every obstacle in their path to the other side.

And if those brave people could sustain - if they could confront each trial and emerge victoriously - Taehyung could as well.

At least, that was what he told himself.

Quite honestly, he didn't know how much more he could bear. Watching Namjoon drag a begging Jungkook into that house tempted Taehyung to unleash his fury. It called up this terrible concoction of despair and rage and desperation that threatened to turn him into a vicious and vindictive animal. And he feared - fuck, he feared - that he was one step away from losing a piece of his humanity.

Because in Taehyung's case, failing to remain strong in a time like this meant forsaking every ounce of his control. And if he became unhinged, if he let his baser instincts rule his actions, his emotional vow of I'll see you soon could very well be the last words he ever said to Jungkook.

And he couldn't break that promise to his sweetheart.

He had to stay strong - to become an unyielding force - to fight his own temptation of burning everything and everyone to the ground. Only then would he be able to think clearly and get himself and Jungkook out of here alive.

But gone were the days of repressing his pain in order to build up that strength. No, Taehyung learned how damaging it was to ignore his suffocating anguish and deny his blinding anger. Those emotions were present and alive; pretending that they didn't exist made him susceptible to even more suffering. His only option was to embrace every uncomfortable and intense feeling, allowing them to fuel his determination rather than hold him back.