Bandstand Novelization

Breathe

"I've Got A Theory" was a hit, just like I thought it would be. It was so much of a hit that it got us 12 gigs in one week.

So much of a hit that I lost my job because of it.

"It turned colder." Donny says, pulling his coat tighter around him. He digs his hands deeper into his pockets and leans into me. I do the same.

I peer down the street looking for our transportation. "Yeah, the streetcar will be here soon." I'm still focused on the conversation I had with Mr. Monroe this morning. I'd walked in 5 minutes late, looking like I hadn't had a minute of sleep. It's true, we've been hustling the past few days to make the money we need. I wasn't fired so much as forced to choose. The decision was easy for me.

"Say," Donny says, shifting his weight. "have you told your boss you need that week off from work yet?"

I stifle a laugh and look down the street again. "Oh, yes." I say, trying to delay or forgo my confession.

"He's okay with it?"

"Uh, sure. It just means I'll no longer be working there." I avoid his eyes by continuing to look down the street.

"What are you talking about?"

I shrug. "He said I have to make a choice between taking time off and the security of my position-"

"No, Julia-" He grips my shoulder and turns me towards him.

"Look, everything happens for a reason. I'll grab all the overtime I can and as many lipsticks as I can fit in my unmentionables on my way out." A brown leaf comes to rest on my coat and I flick it away.

"Well, when we win this thing, you won't need that lousy job anyway."

The inevitable fills my head. "What if we don't even make it on the program?"

"We will." He nods the question away as if it's not even in the realm of possibility. 

"What if we don't win?" I ask, watching a car pass, still unable to truly look him in the eye.

"We will."

I turn to him now. "Yeah, but what if we don't?"

"Then I guess you can sell Frigidaires with your father." I push my hair behind my ears. Without my job at the store we have no income.

"My father doesn't sell Frigidaires." I say looking up with a solemn smile.

Donny's taken aback. "...Go on."

"He sells insurance. And lives in an apartment with his secretary about maybe..." I turn in the opposite direction and point, "six blocks down that way."

"I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. I just...wanted to be honest." It's true. I'm stressed, I don't need the question of honesty hanging over my head, besides I came to terms with the life he's chosen a long time ago.

"Thanks." He says.

"I want you to be honest." It's a bold statement, one I might not even have a right to say.

I watch him tense up. "About what?"

I guess now is as good as a time as ever. "You said you were there." I let my arm slip from his. "I'm tired of waiting. I want to know." I find his eyes, I will, at least, give him that.

Donny takes a step back and answers, "He died, Julia. What else is there to say?" He's gone frigid, darkness overtaking his eyes.

I step to him, challenging. "Everything! Was it quick? Did he suffer?" I run my fingers through my hair. "Was he trying to save someone?" I can feel tears welling up, but they're not for me. I know I'm causing him pain by taking him back there, but I need to know. 

Donny pushed my arms away. "Stop it!" He waves me away. "You don't want to know!"

I pull myself straight, doing my best to match his height. With a deep breath I continue, "For a year and a half it's all I've wanted to know! Was he scared? What was the last thing he said? Were his eyes-"

"THERE WERE NO EYES!" His howl, shakes me to the core. "Jesus Christ, Julia! It's not like the movies!" He shakes his head and balls up his fists. "It's just not like the movies! There was no face! No hands to fold! No hair to comb! Just stop it!"

It takes everything in me to not turn away. "I am still waiting."

I see the terror in his eyes as he looks at me. He pushes the hair from his face and stares at me. "Hill 700." He starts, taking a deep breath. "It was this big hill that we had to keep from the Japs. Michael and I were in a trench on the side of the hill. Going on three days without sleep. There were these pill boxes above us." His eyes fall, pain replacing the terror. "These bunkers. They were just firing down. We were trapped. That night it starts raining. And Michael says 'one way or another, we've gotta make some headway. We've gotta toss some grenades, make a run at them, or fall back.' So Michael throws first." I swallow hard. "And it must have gotten pretty close 'cause they started firing down again. It's dark, they're firing, it's raining, and I have my grenade in my hand and I pull the pin and the grenade drops, right into the mud. I know the spoon's released now and I start reaching for it and I can't see it. And Michael's reaching around down there, trying to grab it-"

"Donny-" I breathe, reaching out. 

It can't be.

"-And I say get out, I jump out and roll down the hill and I know he has to be behind me-"

"Donny-" I breathe again, wanting him to stop. 

Donny doesn't hear me anymore, doesn't see me. "-He has to be, 'cause I said get out. And I rolled into a foxhole and I felt it go off." All of a sudden we're both crying. "And he wasn't next to me where I thought he'd be, so I, I climb back up there, and it was just black." I rest my hand on his arm, to steady myself. "I, I sat in that pit all night and I tried to keep the rain from washing things away and getting in the mud." 

His shoulders drop before he looks back at me. His eyes narrow and he shoves me, hard. Toppling backward I nearly fall to the ground. When I catch myself and look back at him, he's not the Donny I know.

In shock from the story, in even more shock that he's pushed me I turn away.

"Wait-" I hear a strangled voice call out. "Julia! I'm sorry!" I flinch away at his usage of my name.

I can't stand to have him touch me, can't stand to look at him. I let out a sigh, trying to disguise my sobs. "Donny, just go home!" My voice strengthens. "For God's sake, go home, Donny!"