Bandstand Novelization

Everything Happens

My stomach is turning. Yes it stirs because of the fallout with Donny yesterday, but as I sit on my couch the band is at a gig, and I'm not there. Even now, ma is on the phone and I can guess the person on the other end of it isn't too happy with me right now. Her muffled voice trails off, the click of the receiver giving way to silence.

"You know," I look up from my folded hands. "Your father used to have people do that to me. Call and lie and for him."

"I'm sorry." I say, my head falling again.

Her tone is even as she continues, arms crossed, leaning against the doorway. "As bad as what you or I have been through, it is nothing compared to what he has." I bite my lip remembering every word of what he said. "He made a promise to Michael to look after you, he kept his promise." Michael's smile flashes in my head, then Donny at the piano. "You made a promise to that band to show up and sing. Your father probably told me the truth only once in our marriage. He said 'shit happens'. The trick is not to step in it. And if you do, for God's sake, Julia, don't just stand there!"

I take a deep breath and look at my mother, someone who's had it rougher than most, someone who will always love me.

I shake my head as I feel the realization coming. "It was his fault, Ma! He's here and Michael isn't and..." I suck in a breath, moments I've shared with Donny tugging at me. "it's his fault." I bury my face in my hands. "I want to believe everything happens for a reason, but-"

She's by my side, a hand at my back almost immediately. "Everything happens, Julia." She manipulates her hands into mine and holds them. "You can't waste time trying to decipher the why, or the reasoning." I look up and find her eyes. "I spent so much time questioning why your father did what he did, but Julia, it doesn't matter. It happened, and there's nothing to do about it." 

"How can Donny and I ever be the same?" I ask. I know I want his friendship, his companionship, but how could I ever move forward after the revelation of Michael's death?

  "Michael's death was always hanging between the two of you, Julia. It was bound to come out, and yes the circumstance is awful, terrible... You can't change what happened, but you can help each other heal." She pauses a moment, only a moment. "What matters when things happen, is what happens after." She affirms herself by nodding her head and gently squeezing my hands.

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He finally comes up the apartment stairs around midnight. He stumbles forward into the light of the hallway and towards his door. I make myself known, my heart pounding.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He asks. Maybe he's had a bit to drink, or maybe he just really hates me.

I swallow and step forward. Holding my heart in my hand once again, I offer him my poem book, open to the newest page.

"Your resignation?" He asks, hardly sparing me a glance as he opens his apartment door.

"It's a poem." I follow him in. "To you and the guys. There's so much that I didn't see and I am so sorry." He turns swiftly, causing me to skid to a stop.

"You don't have to apologize." Sobriety has found him.

"Neither do you." I counter. I still have the book in my hands. "We both know who you're really doing all this for... Looking out for me, creating this band... It's all for him."

"I'm letting him down." I wish I knew how to tell him that he is everything Michael was.

"You know how Michael and I met?" I ask. "First day of rehearsal for our high school production of Desert Song." I smile remembering it like it was yesterday, not years and years ago. "I was sulking in the back 'cause I didn't get the lead. He plops down next to me and he says, 'Don't sing because you just need to get the lead. Sing because you just need to sing.' And then he said the girl who got the lead stuffs her bra with so much Kleenex, one cigarette ash, she'll go up like the Hindenburg." 

Both of us can't help but laugh. "That's the Michael I knew."  He says, lost in his own memories.

"Sing because you just need to sing." I say holding out the book to him.

He takes it, but before he can slink away I wrap my arms around him. Tears lining my eyes, I hold him tight. To my relief he hugs me back. 

"I'll see you tomorrow at rehearsal?" He asks.

"We don't have rehearsal tomorrow." I say, knowing we have a gig.

He shakes his head. "Right."

He pauses a moment. "I need to sing with you Julia. It eases my heart." He clenches his jaw, holding back tears.

I reach for his shaking hands. "Then let's sing." I say smiling slightly. 

Soon it's as if nothing has passed between us these past few days. With him at the piano, me beside him and the new lyrics in front of us we fall back together as one.

Welcome Home is born out of tears, honesty and a variation of TAPS.

"You didn't have to set it to music." I say, my heart pounding. He'd taken the most personal of all the new songs I'd written and turned it into something beautiful.

He takes his hands away from the keys, "It just came to me."

"I love it, Donny, but...we can't-"

"I know. No one will sit still for this."

"It wasn't meant for the bandstand." I say running my hand across the smudged lyrics, now dotted with melody and music notes. "It's about you and the guys. No apologies."

He looks solemn. "We play this in public-"

"It'll be the last time we get a booking." I say looking forward. It could be the best thing we've ever created together, but some things just aren't meant to see the light of day. 

I can tell the song has touched Donny in a way the others haven't. It could mean this much and more to someone else too. "We're playing the VA Hall tomorrow," I start, "maybe I could rewrite the words. Make it a love song. Something for them." I nod, more and more sure of the idea. "It's still Welcome Home, but a girl to her fella." Our gazes linger on each other.

"Home from the war." He says.

"Exactly!" I say trying to decipher what his eyes are saying.

"And she's at the door." He breathes.

I nod, "Yes, and he's coming down the street."

"Like if Michael had."

"Maybe I'll write it like it might've been."

"I think you should. What's our last gig before we have to hitchhike to New York? It'll be perfect."

"Then I'll put on some coffee. It's gonna be a long night."

"Julia." He says reaching out and grabbing my hand. my heartbeat quickens, but he stays still. He squeezes and looks up at me. "Thank you." He says. "For this." He motions to the notebook in front of him, but I know he's thanking me for more than that.

I give him a soft smile, "You're welcome, Donny."