The Formidable

29

Madison woke up at ten to an empty bed and a satisfying ache between her legs. The door was open and the apartment smelled of toast. She pulled the black sheets up and rearranged the pillows before finding Jase in the kitchen. Mia on his hip, their backs to Madison as she spectated silently. Jase was making two coffees. A half-eaten slice of toast was beside the mugs. Madison picked it up and Jase looked at her sharply, having been unaware of her presence. They smiled at each other, the kind of smile like you were hiding a secret.

"Good morning," he said as she bit into the toast. "That's not gluten-free, by the way." Madison chuckled, ignoring him. Mia reached over, plucking the toast from her fingers and sucking the butter off.

"I thought you had to go to the club today?" Madison said. Jase shrugged.

"It's my club, I'll turn up when I want," he replied. Mia threw the toast onto the floor. Madison hurried to pick it up, taking a sheet of kitchen roll and wiping up the grease and crumbs. Jase's apartment was immaculate, no dirt, no clutter. It looked like a showroom and having Mia there put Madison on edge. Jase watched her, amused. "Relax," he said as if he could read her mind. "She's a kid, she's going to make a mess and that's fine. It won't be difficult to clean up. You don't have to follow her around with a hoover." She smiled, feeling strangely embarrassed.

"I know I just... It's all so clean."

"Because I'm never here. She's okay." He looked at Mia in his arms, surprised by his own rapid adjustment to becoming a dad. He still had plenty to learn but he liked to think he was taking to it naturally. It was nice, pretending to be a normal family.

"Why are you going to the club anyway?" she asked.

"There are a bunch of girls auditioning for work. I just have to go in and pick three."

Madison raised her brows.

"The most attractive?" she teased and Jase smirked.

"Men don't go there to admire faces. I choose the ones that won't bring me any trouble,"

"You have a criteria?" she asked. His nose wrinkled.

"Sort of. I won't pick anyone with drug habits, no kids, no boyfriends, no crazy ex's."

"No criminal records." Madison added.

"Exactly. Quiet girls with zero commitments, they just want to work, get paid and go home." Mia wriggled in his arms and he lowered her to the floor where she toddled off to the living room. Jase had put her teddy in there and a few toys Lily had packed.

"At least you vet them now rather than just taking them off the street," Madison mumbled. He smirked, folding his arms.

"Got something to say, Madison?" he questioned, cocking his head to the side.

There it was. That cocky self-assurance she had been trying to dig back out of him, creeping back in. She frowned, trying to conceal her delight as she shook her head.

"No, not at all."

Jase studied her for a moment, trying to figure out why she'd made the comment.

"Everything changed after you," he said carefully.

"So I heard."

Jase looked at the floor. Every day he was at war with his conscience.  The people that had accused him of softening because of Madison were right. He wouldn't remember names or faces of the girls, but he would remember what was done to them. That he had a part in doing it to them.

Gradually, he had stopped beating himself up. Even gone as far as to attend Church a handful of times. Some day, he wanted to be able to forgive himself but it was a marathon.

He never even knew if any of the women they took had kids waiting for them, parents, people that loved them. It never occurred to him how much a person could be missed until Madison walked out the door. And now, when he looked into his own daughters face, he felt even worse about it all. He'd destroyed the lives of so many daughters for his own gain and it had kept him up countless nights since.

"I've punished myself enough without you tormenting me more," he sighed, more defeated than argumentative. Madison felt a wave of disappointment.

She turned her head towards the living room where Mia was babbling away to herself. Then looked back at Jase, now leaning against the side with an irritated expression. Where Jase saw a dig, Madison had put out a test. She wanted him to respond with a total disregard for things he couldn't change but she could tell it was eating away at him. She pursed her lips in thought for a moment.

"The day I found out she was a girl my heart broke because I know how the world will treat her," she said. Jase poked his tongue in his cheek, she wasn't exactly helping. "You've changed, Jase. I can see it in your eyes, your approach to things, how you smile at Mia. Being a parent will do that. And I can't believe what I'm about to say next but I need you to listen and I need you to take me seriously." His brows furrowed, thrown off by the direction Madison was heading.

"What?" he asked.

"You can't let your newfound conscience see these girls as people." The crease between his brows deepened and Madison rolled her eyes. "Believe me, I take no joy in saying this but I will always put Mia first. Hiring girls right now is risky. As you said, even you look good on paper. If push comes to shove, you are going to need to drop how you feel about your past and be prepared to kill them." She was serious and she expected him to be too. But Jase already knew what he was capable of and there was no question in his mind that he wouldn't be willing to protect Mia and Madison at all costs. He smiled, narrowing his eyes and peering down his nose at her.

"You think I've lost my edge," he said, rounding up her thoughts. Madison sighed.

"I worry that someone could get in your head, press the right buttons and stop you thinking straight. I don't want anyone to be able to use your guilt against you." He nodded slowly, considering her words before he spoke.

"There's only one person that can get in my head and she's currently wearing my t-shirt." Madison avoided his eyes. She didn't want Jase to think she saw him as weak, but he definitely wasn't as cold cutting as he once was. "We've had this conversation before, remember? When you ruined my office carpet? If something needs doing, I'll do it. Regardless of how I feel about the things I've done in the past, it's a matter of prioritising." The measured cadence of his words assured Madison she was worrying more than she needed to. Her Jase was still there, buried beneath a man that wanted to better himself. He had more than proven that last night.