Symphony || Remus Lupin

XLV

Warning: Triggers and dark thoughts are mentioned

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Ever since she woke up, she has been surrounded by people. Initially, it was Marlene, Lily, and Alice. About ten minutes later, Remus barged through the doors with a look on his face that she couldn't read. A few minutes after that, the other Marauders came through the doors and crowded around her bed. Madam Pomfrey didn't seem to mind them but something about how they towered over her made her feel suffocated.

"Myra, are you okay? How do you feel?"

"How could you do that?"

"Why didn't you tell us, Ceres?"

"Why did you push us away?"

"We could've helped, Myra. Why didn't you tell us?"

"Myra, why did you-"

"How could you-"

"Are you-"

"Okay!" She heard Madam Pomfrey call out and the others took a step back. "That's enough. All of you, out! Let her rest."

Grumbles and yells of protest filled the room as she pushed them out. When the door closed, Myra let out a breath, sagging against the mattress.

"I'm sorry," She mumbled, "I just wasn't ready for it yet." Madam Pomfrey gave her a sad smile and patted her forehead.

"That's quite alright, dear. You just get some rest."

When she left the room (and Myra made sure when the door to her office was mostly closed), she let out a long sigh, trying to keep her fears and tears at bay. She took a deep breath in, closing her eyes and resting her head against the pillows.

Just deep breaths. Take deep breaths.

Why?

Because I'm freaking out and I don't want to have an episode, of course.

But every breath she took sent pins and needles down her throat, made her chest hurt for no reason (she wasn't even injured there). Every time she exhaled, she wanted to let out a sob. She wanted to cry and scream. No matter how many times she breathed, the need to let out a scream hadn't decreased. Why couldn't she just be strong? Why couldn't she just get through it?

!!xXx!!

Because you're a weakling. You're a weakling destined to be weak. You will never grow strong.

That's-that's a lie.

Is it? What's the strongest thing you've done so far?

That is... it's relative.

And that's an excuse but that's not stopping you now, is it?

That's not an excuse. It's just...

An excuse and you know it, weakling!

I'm not a weakling!

Yes, you are! Just look at yourself, lying on the hospital bed just because you lost a little too much blood. You can't even speak to your friends without breaking down. You can't handle your own thoughts. You have a goddamn consciousness in your head that's telling you what to do!