Symphony || Remus Lupin

LIII

Warning: Mention of suicide, dark thoughts, blood, and slightly gory descriptions

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!!xXx!!

Myra could feel herself trembling so much. Her sobs came out choked and ragged, her hair falling in front of her face.

Why am I like this? Why do I hurt everyone around me?

Why can't I stop crying?

Why am I so pathetic?

The hole inside of her grew and grew.

I thought I was getting better. Why am I not getting better?

She could feel her arm still stinging, the pain keeping her from losing herself entirely. She hated that she danced along the edge of not knowing what was real and what wasn't. She hated that she faced her demons again. She hated that she couldn't bring herself to her feet and walk. She hated that she was so weak. She hated that she was so cowardly, so slow. She didn't even try to help her aunt. She just stood by and watched them flick their wand.

She was so pathetic that she let her rage take over her and she killed them. She could still see their blood splattering on the walls, hear the crunch of their skulls. She didn't have the courage to look at their bodies.

Just being a coward.

Look at them.

See what you did.

See what you caused.

You don't deserve to live.

You should just kill yourself.

You're useless anyway.

No one wants you.

You couldn't even save James' mother.

What makes you think that you can save others?

Just finish off what you started in your sixth year.

You don't deserve to live.

Myra inhaled sharply as she heard footsteps stomping towards her, arms wrapping around her and holding her tightly. She'd recognize that embrace anywhere.

I don't deserve him.

"Myra." His hands stroking her hair gently, his lips next to her ear as he whispered softly. His hands brushed by her cut and she flinched, trying to pull it away only for it to hurt even more. Clearly alarmed, he pulled his hand back quickly and he gasped.

"Myra, just stay here, okay? I'll come back with one of the Healer's and they'll patch you up."

No.

Her hand feebly reached out to him, to his retreating footsteps.

Please don't go.

But it was pointless and she was alone again.

Her hands grasped at her clothes, trying to rub off any of the blood on her hands. She didn't want to see it. She couldn't bear to see it. She wanted it off.

Myra heard footsteps again and looked up through her blurry eyes. Remus' familiar figure was approaching rapidly with someone right behind him.