Nowhere Girl ~ John Lennon/The Beatles

Chapter Fifteen: Ain't She Sweet

It had been just over a month, and John still hadn't talked to her.

Robin wasn't quite sure just why John was so angry, but ever since he saw her kissing Ant that day after their date, he'd not been able to look at her the same way. It was as if that kiss had been unforgivable, as if he'd seen her commit some sort of crime. She wouldn't mind his anger if he'd just tell her what was wrong, but he was skipping classes again, hanging out with different people at college that weren't as studious or focused as Stuart. His new group spent lunchtimes in the pub, so that's where John spent most of his time. It was like the first time they'd argued all over again, yet this time Robin felt so much worse.

"He'll get a grip eventually," Stuart kept promising her each night they stayed late at college to finish work, but even he sounded doubtful.

Robin felt as though this time John had really fallen out with her. Part of her thought it was pathetic, that he needed to pull himself together. He was so insistent that he didn't like her, defensive anytime she joked that he was flirting. If he was so against her why would he care if she was kissing another boy? If he was a good friend he'd be happy for her. Her actions didn't deserve this treatment. She'd told him once before that reacting in such a way to her wasn't on, so if he was going to do it again, she was ready to call it a day with their friendship.

Another part of her though felt bereft to be without him. She missed him. After their last fight she'd gotten used to the comfortable banter between the two of them. She'd come to expect him at the bus stop each morning, she enjoyed being with him in class and she liked when he was out on the garden having a smoke because she could join him and just talk about nothing in particular. John was good company, and Robin liked who she was when she was with him. She felt like her true self, the reserved yet bold girl who was still so new to having friends. John brought out the best in her, bits that she didn't even know about herself. Not that she would tell him, but trading John as a friend for Ant as a boyfriend wasn't a worthy switch.

Ant was, so far at least, a good guy, but didn't listen to her like John did, he didn't make the same jokes or make her laugh like John. He was caring and affectionate, but he was more serious. She'd thought he'd been joking at first about being her boyfriend, thought he'd been kidding about meeting her after work the next day, but there he was, standing outside the restaurant, introducing himself to Kay and her boyfriend as 'Robin's boyfriend'. It was a little too sudden and fast for her liking, but there was nothing terribly wrong with Ant, so why should she protest?

Ant at least wanted to be with her, and wanted to be seen with her. Whenever they went to the pub and any of his friends appeared he was quick to introduce her, quick to give her the title of 'my lovely girlfriend', and though Robin didn't particularly enjoy the way his friends' eyes often lingered on her or the smirks they exchanged about her, she liked the way he seemed proud of her. Even if she felt cautious at first, she could probably learn to like him the way he felt about her.

If she could learn to love Ant, she could learn to get used to John ignoring her too, she told herself repeatedly, though that was tricky each day he actually showed up for college. That afternoon in particular, she walked into their lettering classroom early, hoping to use the supplies from the cupboard for one of her Christmas coursework pieces, the deadline looming ever closer. She'd not expected John to be there, but yet he was, sat on their table, his guitar on his lap, and though he looked up the moment the door creaked open, he immediately looked down as if he couldn't even bare to look at her.

What she didn't realise was that his reluctance to look at Robin was to save himself from thinking about what he'd caught Ant doing to her. It was just a kiss, but just a kiss was exactly what he'd wanted to do to her that night. She'd not shown up for their gig, he thought just because of work, so he had a bold plan in mind that he was going to stand out in his garden all night and wait for her to want a smoke and finally tell her what he realised the morning after the party, tell her that he was mad for her, but instead someone had got to her before him, and of all people it was Ant.